“So soon?” I whispered, feeling my heart fill withdespair.
“Yes,” Charlie replied, sounding as heartbroken as I felt. “They just told me before I came toyou.”
There would be no time to spend together before he left. There would be no time to make memories that I could carry with me for the rest of my life—however long that could be. My heart hurt for the first time since I rested next to Papa. I touched Charlie’s face as I had done so many times before, but that time I was trying to memorize every detail—the feeling of his cheekbones, the shape of his eyes, the small cleft in his chin that I had teased him about, and most of all, the warmth of his lips. I needed to make sure I remembered everything before I said goodbye—possiblyforever.
The pain was unbearable. I had learned to feel love for that man, and once again, I would have to endure the good in my life being torn away from me. I wanted my heart to stop hurting. I wanted to pull it out of my chest and throw it away so I could stop feeling, and be at peace like Mama andPapa.
I wanted todie.
“Amelia,” Charlie said, placing his fingertips under my chin. I submitted and glanced up into his worry-filled eyes. “Will you promise mesomething?”
I knew what he was going to ask me to promise, and we wouldn’t be able to see eye-to-eye. I wanted to run, and he wanted to follow the rules. I shook my head with a silent disagreement, but his hands held my face tightly, stopping me from saying “no” without words. “I know you won’t tell me you love me, but you show me every day, and if you do, in fact, feel that way about me, you’ll stay—you'll keep yourself out of that prison, orworse.”
“What if you never come back?” Iasked.
“I will find you, Amelia. I promise I will findyou.”
“What if you die trying?” My words sounded empty…without sentiment. Speaking of expiring was common for us. Death was not something we feared anymore; we merely avoidedit.
“What ifyoudie trying?” he snapped back at me. “Please, let’s try and stay alive for eachother.”
It hurt my heart to disagree with him because we had so little time left, but at the same time, waiting for him felt like it would be harder than accepting death as the final page of our lovestory.
Our senseless bickering went silent as his lips met mine in the darkness of the night. Melting into his arms, I instantly complied with his touch as I had each time he enveloped me in that way. We would kiss until our lips became numb or until one of us desperately needed more air. Our minutes together came in short increments, leaving us with brief chapters and cliffhangers—ones that left me yearning formore.
We moved back into the enclosed darkness provided by a tree that hung over the side of the barbed wire fence, and my heel caught on a loose rock, causing me to fall. Charlie’s arms caught me in time to soften the landing, and he followed me down, planting his knees into the dirt. His hands slid up to the back of my head, offering me a place to rest as I stared up into his beautifuleyes.
He relaxed beside me and draped his arm around my stomach. “Do you think there are people outside of these gates looking at the same stars, wishing to escape from their lives too?” I askedhim.
“Not everyone knows how bad it can be,” heanswered.
“We do,” I tellhim.
“How do you say ‘we,’ Amelia?” Charlie asked. “You’re supposed to be at a university right now. You should be enjoying your life. Instead, you’re watching your people suffer and die. On top of that, you’re sufferingtoo.”
“Charlie, neither of us wants to be here. That’s all that matters.” However, I wasn’t sure if what I was saying was true. I had lost Mama, Papa, and most likely, Jakob. Beyond the suffering, though, I was busy working fifteen hours a day, which didn’t leave me much time to think. That was a blessing to me. However, at that moment, I felt everything crash down. Once Charlie was gone, I would have nothing…and no one…left.
“Are you okay?” he asked, catching me staring past him into thenight.
“No, I’m not,” Isaid.
Charlie leaned in closer, stroking his finger in circles on my cheek. “You’rebeautiful.”
“I’m scared to know what I look like,” Irebutted.
He chuckled softly as if my concern about my appearance was ridiculous. “I see two eyes that gaze intently at life, perfect lips that have had my attention since the day I saw you the first time, and a woman with determination in her every step. Your beauty is natural, and it matches everything inside of you. You’ve lost your family, yet your strength is unimaginable. Every part of you captivates me. You are everything that is perfect and beautiful in thisworld.”
The soft crunch of dirt beneath us tickled the insides of my ears as he leaned over to kiss my neck, sending shivers down the length of my spine. He paused briefly to look up at me with a question lingering in his eyes, and I answered by tying my arms around his neck, then pulled him towardme.
His hands roamed unreservedly, leaving his warmth behind on every inch of my skin. His touch was gentle and cautious, unlike the scenes that repeatedly played out within my barrack. I watched as women were abused and taken against their will, all while crying out in pain. They weren't given a choice to say no. We were informed that the Nazis had needs, and we were to comply or suffer the consequences. I worked so many hours and tried my best to make myself scarce in every possible way that I somehow managed to escape the wrath of their unforgivingattacks.
“Is this okay?” Charlie asked in a whisper as his lips brushed against myear.
“Yes,” I said with only my breath. He struggled against me for a moment, freeing himself before pushing my dress up above my waist. My heart was pounding, scared of feeling the pain some of those other women had experienced. “I’ve never been with a man before.” I felt the need to let him know. It was as if I left home being a young girl, and over the course of time I had been there, I became a woman who had seen toomuch.
His smile displayed a sense of contentment in response to my confession, and his mouth fell to mine, distracting me from every thought as a new connection forced my eyes wide open. Charlie was careful with me, taking his time while proving his movements were out of love rather than anything else. It was painful at first, but not so much that I wanted it to stop. I watched his face for a moment—the way his eyes closed, and how his lips parted while giving in to heavy breaths. A shooting star in the sky briefly stole my attention until a sense of pleasure caught me off guard and moved through my body like a current. Instinctively, I gripped my hands around Charlie's arms, needing an anchor to keep me grounded because with each movement, a small piece of me melted into the soil beneath us. My heavy eyelids gave in, shutting the world out while I imagined the most beautiful sunset liquefying into a crystal-clear body of water. It's how I felt—the rush of lapping waves upon a sandy shore that was fed to the tide and pulled farther and farther away until I was completely lost amid thesea.
A warm sensation filled every part of me, and I realized I had been pressing my fingernails into Charlie's arms so hard, I may have cut him. He didn't seem to notice, however. He was too busy staring at me with a worried gaze. “Are youokay?”
