“That was amazing,” I told him. “You’reamazing.”
He released a heavy, held-in breath and lowered his head to my chest. “We will forever have this night, Amelia,” he said, and my thoughts instantly returned to the apprehension of Charlie leaving the nextday.
“Don’t talk like that,” I toldhim.
“We’ll never have to wonder now,” hecontinued.
“Charlie!” I scolded him oncemore.
“I need to be honest with myself,Amelia.”
“I need you to remain positive,” I argued inreturn.
He looked like he was about to fall ill, so I wrapped my arms around him, holding him with all my strength until it became difficult for me to breathe through our embrace. If crying was still a natural emotion for me, it may have been one of the few times it happened, but I had forgotten how to release my tears. Crying was no longer an involuntary response to human emotions. I was conditioned to do what my body was supposed to do in order to stay alive. I had been dehumanized by the monsters who killed for their ownamusement.
Charlie righted himself and his uniform, then returned my dress to where it belonged. He helped me up to my feet and laced his fingers between mine. “I want to hold your hand. I want to walk side by side with you and tell the world you belong to me—that we were brought together when my soul came back tolife.”
“We don't live in that kind of world,” I reminded him. “We’re a secret that no one would understand or accept, but we’re also living proof that some people can’t controleverything.”
“I suppose this is one battle that we won in this ugly war, Amelia—us.”
“Come back to me,” I told him. “Please.”
“If I don’t—” he began. I didn't like where his words were going, but I let him say what he needed to say because I couldn't be in denial about our life. “Survive for as long as you can, fight until you can’t fight any longer, and if this damn war ever ends, I want you to run as far away from here as you can. Never look back. Start over, fulfill your dreams, and live the way you deserve tolive.”
“These sound like your last words,” I whispered to him as I began toshake.
“If they are, they need to count,” hesaid.
I knew I owed him my last words in case it was the final time we would ever be together. “I want you to go to that university and become a businessman. Wear a suit, hold your shoulders back and your chin high. Find a woman who makes your heart race, have a family, love your children more than you love yourself, and take them to a place where they can forever run free through meadows of flowers. Give them the freedom to be themselves, a freedom we couldn'thave.”
“I don’t see how I could ever be happy without you,” hesaid.
“Don’t make those your last words,” I huffed throughanger.
“Fine. I love you,Amelia.”
I stared at him for a long minute, knowing I couldn’t say the same to him. I couldn’t tell him I loved him even though I did. I still believed it would become a guarantee that he would neverreturn.
I pressed myself up onto my toes, cupped my hands against his cheeks and kissed him with everything I had in me. “May the world keep you safe wherever you go,” I whispered with a choke in my throat as a single tear escaped from the barren desert of my emotions. “Goodbye, myCharlie.”
Those were my last words tohim.
What a waste ofwords.
I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, sneaking quietly back into my barrack where I curled into a ball on my thin mattress. I felt as though a knife had plunged into the depths of my heart and soul—a pain so deep, it seared through every vein and fiber in my body. I knew I would never be the same again, but at least I could rest knowing there was one good man amongst so many terribleones.
Humanity was not entirelylost.
