Chapter Sixteen
The next morning, I wondered if I was the only school principal in the world who was suffering from the effects of too much tequila. I suspected not. But my mood darkened and my head throbbed further when I remembered it was the morning of this term’s cake sale.
I lay in bed for a moment, trying to focus and come to. The last thing I remembered was Clodagh promising to come tothe cake sale.
‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world,’ she had said. ‘You have no idea, Tab. You have no idea how much I want my life to be normal, surrounded by normal people.’
‘Normal? My life?’ I was pretty drunk at this point in the evening, my head swimming, our conversation deep and engrossing. The world put to rights. ‘I am surrounded by lunatics.’
Clodagh wouldn’t accept it. ‘There’z lunaticsand there’z lunatics.’ She was really indistinct now, her head and eyelids drooping. ‘You don’t know the lunacy I have to deal with. Day in, day out. And Max,’ she said. ‘He’s so lunaticky that he won’t wear underpants twice.’
‘What do you mean? He washes them after every wear? That’s normal.’
‘No!’ She put a finger to her lips. ‘No! I mean, he doesn’t wear them ever again. Don’t tell a soul.He’d kill me.’ She made a slicing action across her throat. ‘He’d kill me.’
‘He’s mad,’ I said. ‘Mad Max!’
‘Mad Max!’ She was nodding and laughing.
‘Mad Max!’ I had hooted again. ‘MadMax! Do you get it?’
And the two of us began laughing so much, we started to slide off our chairs. I remember Clodagh on her knees, trying to get up. And then a conga danced past us, famous and not so famousfaces whizzing by. Bridget was there, I think I remember, but no Red. Sheer horror on Lucinda’s face, as though she was running with the bulls in Pamplona and was terrified that she would be trampled. Clodagh was scooped up into the melee and I, sensibly, took it as my cue to leave.
Lying in bed, I put the pillow over my face. Oh Jesus. Why had I thought it was a good idea to do shots last night?Not that it wasevera good idea to do tequila shots.
What had happened to Red? Gone home, I had assumed. Not with Bridget, though. Which was a small consolation. But I was meant to be a grown woman. Amarriedwoman. And yet here I was, lying, hungover and sick to my very being, thinking about him.
*
My car was having its annual service in the garage but the walk would not only do me good butit would bring me past a very nice coffee place where I could get a takeaway.
Once I arrived in the school hall, there were Victoria sponges as far as the eye could see, teetering piles of brownies and biscuits. Angela Leahy, Fifth class teacher, was putting out paper cups in a regimented line, and Sarah Casey (Second class) was looking more than a little excited at being the one who was in chargeof the tea urn.
Even some of the protestors were helping out, basically feeling members of the school’s wider community. Maybe their plan was to buy enough cake that we would easily earn enough money and there would be no question of selling the Copse. Arthur was on the ground fixing a table and Nellie was unveiling an impressive looking pineapple upside cake and a chocolate-covered tray bake.
‘Red was here earlier,’ Mary said. ‘Carrying things in. Setting up the tables, you know. He got the keys and set up at 8am. Spent a good two hours getting all the tables and chairs out of the storeroom. The place was in a state. He managed to find two of those big brooms and we got the place shipshape in no time.’
Red? I thought he’d be too hungover.’
‘He said he was at Clodagh’s party lastnight. Said he didn’t stay long. Weren’t you talking to him?’
‘I was, for a bit,’ I said, deflation mingling with my hungover brain. I didn’t think he’d be at the cake sale at all, and now I’d heard he’d been and gone. ‘Has he gone home?’ Please say no, I thought.
‘No, just off to get some breakfast,’ she explained. ‘Said he wouldn’t be long.’ She chuckled. ‘You know, he’s been such a greataddition to the staff, I must say. We’ll be sad if he has to leave us at the end of term. Can’t do enough for any of us and always making us laugh in the staff room. You know he carries Ms Morrissey’s bags in from her car every morning? The operation on her back was postponed. Again. He’s become quite the pet of the staff. We say we don’t know what the school will do without him. He’s started a littlelunch club on a Friday and each of us brings in things to eat. It’s all very civilised.’
That did sound nice. Sometimes being head teacher meant you missed out on the craic, having instead to worry about leaks in the roof or raising money
‘I’m determined to beat last year’s total of €260,’ Mary went on, arranging lemon drizzles and fairy cakes on plates. ‘We’ve upped the prices of these littlecakes by 5c, and the big cakes by 50c.’
‘You should be onThe Apprentice,’ I said. ‘Lord Sugar would love you.’
My tequila headache was really beginning to kick in. ‘I’m just going to take two painkillers,’ I said. ‘Thanks for saying that Mary, I’ll be back in a moment.’
‘Ah! Here he is!’ she said. ‘Mr Eurovision himself!’
Red was walking towards us, a coffee in one hand and a bagel in theother. ‘Shhh!’ he said to Mary, smiling. ‘I don’t want everyone to know about my double life.’ He turned to me. ‘Hi Tab. How’s the head?’
‘Not too bad,’ I lied. ‘How’s yours?’
