‘It’s like I’m living half a life,’ I rambled. ‘And I so desperately want all of me to be alive. Do you know what I’m saying?’
‘I think so.’
‘I hate being married to Michael.’ On I droned, the tequilaloosening my tongue. This was probably why I never had any fun. I turned into a self-pitying fool at the first whiff of alcohol. ‘And I can’t complain because he’s all right, really. But he’s not interested in me.’ I was starting to slur. ‘And I’m not interested in him.’ I picked up my refresh tequila. ‘But do you know what the worst thing is?’
Clodagh was agog, with drink, I realised, and definitelynotmy fascinating story. ‘What is it?’ she whispered.
‘I’ve been married to a man for seventeen years who calls me Mammy.’
‘Maybe he doesn’t know your name,’ she said, ‘and it’s been so long and he’s too embarrassed to ask you what it is.’ And the two of us began to laugh.
She passed me another shot. ‘Ready?’
We both launched the drinks down our throats, faces contorted with the sheer horror.
‘You know,’ she said, signalling for two more. ‘If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that things can change just like that. It’s happened to me so often that I’ve stopped taking anything for granted. I mean, look at madam over there, talking to Red. I’ve got a funny feeling that she’s going to cause a few waves.’
I looked over at Red and Bridget but they had gone.
‘You see,’ said Clodagh,slurring. ‘It’s my theory that you never get everything you want at the same time. Keeps you persevering, you see. So all those things you want, nice relationships, happy career, children, a glass of rosé, that kind of thing. Basic needs in other words. You can’t have all of them at the same time. Each has to take its turn. So, you have a child, your career suffers. If you meet someone nice…’
‘You become allergic to rosé?’
‘Exactly.’ Clodagh looked as plastered as I felt.
‘Clodagh, I think you and I just might have had too much to drink.’
‘How very dare you!’ she said. ‘I haven’t had half enough!’ She held up her newly refilled shot glass. ‘Tonight,’ she declared. ‘Tonight I drink tequila.’ She tossed it back. ‘God, that’s disgusting,’ she said. ‘Disgustingly good.’
