Mawgan’s shoulders sagged. He pushed past her and collapsed in the nearest chair. He looked exhausted. ‘Rumours were circulating,’ said Mawgan, resting his head back. ‘My mother’s former maid became loose with her tongue in the days before her death. I had to stop them.’
‘What rumours?’
‘That I was not like the other Pendragon men.’
‘She knew you preferred men to women?’
He nodded. ‘Her exact words were, “You should have no place on God’s Earth”.’
‘That’s a terrible thing to say.’
‘She told me I should marry to protect myself against society.’
‘So you married me.’
‘I had to prove the rumours wrong. Society expects it. I knew we got on well. It is what our fathers hoped for. It was the logical thing to do so—’
‘But you didn’t love me. Do you love David?’
Mawgan snorted. ‘Don’t pretend you understand. I’m afflicted. I hate myself for what I am.’
Evelyn looked at her husband. He was usually so pristine in his appearance, but today he looked dishevelled and crumpled. Her heart went out to him. She knelt down before him and took his hand.
‘Don’t hate yourself. I do not.’ Mawgan dared to look at her. ‘When I was a child I had a governess called Miss Brown. She was kind and loving, but firm and fair. I loved her dearly, but perhaps did not treat her as well as I should.’ Evelyn smiled, thoughtfully. ‘I was young and spirited back then.’
Mawgan pulled his hand away from hers. ‘I don’t see what this has to do with anything.’
‘She once told me that she was in love. When she was dismissed, for some minor transgression that I do not recall now, she told me she was going to live with someone she once loved and wrote down where I could find her. Her leaving was traumatic for me. I felt that my life was ending. I was able to read the name on the note, before it was snatched from my hand by my father.’ Evelyn squeezed Mawgan’s hand, demanding that he looked at her. ‘I remember the name as clearly as if I was reading it now. Miss Frances, it said.’ Evelyn stood and looked down on him. ‘I was shocked. Confused. I had assumed the person would be a man, but it did not change how I felt about Miss Brown. She was the same person after I found out as she was before I knew. My love for her did not change and after she left, the pain I felt at losing her was just as unbearable. I do not pretend to understand what it must be like for you, Mawgan, but I do not despise you for it.’
‘But the rest of the world does,’ retorted Mawgan. He pushed himself to standing. ‘I have spent years despising myself. You look shocked. Do you think I want to be different from everyone else?’ He went to the sideboard and poured himself a drink.His hands trembled as he did so. ‘I will try harder to make our marriage work.’
‘You do not have to try at all.’
Mawgan turned to her, his glass forgotten in his hand. ‘What do you mean?’
‘We both love someone else. Society condemns us for our choices, but the reality is that we have no choice. We cannot control who we fall in love with. We both have the ability, the gift, to love someone deeply. The tragedy is . . . it is not each other.’
‘What are you saying?’
‘I want a divorce.’
Mawgan looked horrified. ‘Are you mad?’
‘Our marriage is not a happy one. If wanting to be free to marry a man I love, then yes, I am mad and proud to be so.’
Mawgan looked at the whiskey in his glass. ‘I will not have my private life made into a subject for society’s gossip.’
‘I have just found you in bed with another man. You have already risked gossip. Are the servants aware?’
‘They are not,’ he said, swirling the liquid with a tilt of his glass.
‘But they may find out eventually.’
Mawgan looked up at her. ‘This man you speak of, is it Drake Vennor?’
Evelyn lifted her chin. ‘Yes, it is.’
Mawgan no longer looked exhausted. Concern for the future had seen to that. A muscle worked in his jaw. He knew that her love for Drake could not be easily dismissed. Evelyn went to him and placed her hands on his chest to soothe him.
