Drake swallowed, his gaze never leaving Nicholas. ‘And I wouldn’t want you to,’ he replied. ‘Because if you could leave your child, our child, then you would not be the woman I love.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
Drake did not leave immediately, but Evelyn could see that he found the meeting with his son painful. He longed to play with him, touch him and hold him, but etiquette between strangers, particularly adult and child, demanded a distance that he found unbearable. He had just learnt he was a father, but instead of shouting it from the rooftops he was unable to speak of it. It was a secret, something to be ashamed of, yet it felt wrong that it should be so.
As he left, he pressed his card into Evelyn’s palm. ‘Leave him, Evie. I am willing to wait for you . . . for the both of you . . . however long it takes.Whateverit takes.’ He held her hand a little longer than he should, but he did not seem to care. ‘Day or night. Send word and I will be there.’
‘I can’t ask this of you,’ replied Evelyn, under her breath.
‘You are not asking, I am offering. I have waited all these years for you. There has never been, or ever will be, another woman who has my heart as you do. And today I have discovered we have a son, which makes the notion of never seeing you again unbearable. So I will wait, and hope that one day it will be our time to be happy.’
Before she could reply, he was walking away, his shoulders braced, his stride long and his jaw set tight. Nicholas tugged on her hand, demanding her attention and she gladly gave it. It was a welcome diversion from her anguish at seeing Drake walk away — again.
* * *
When they finally reached home, they found Cedar Lodge unusually quiet. The day trip had finished earlier than was planned. Nicholas had grown tired so when fast approaching black clouds, threatening rain, hovered on the horizon, Evelyndecided to return home. Luckily, an earlier train was waiting at the station and soon after boarding it the station bell signalled for it to depart. A short carriage ride later, they were home, but no staff came to greet them. Mawgan must have decided to give the staff time off in their absence. She told Nanny Bird to put Nicholas to bed for a nap, as she removed her hat and gloves. She felt exhausted and meeting Drake again had left her with much to think about.
She stood in the entrance hall and listened to the empty house. The silence was crushing. Suddenly she felt very lonely and desperately sad. She had felt so happy in Drake’s arms and those short precious moments shone a harsh light on her unhappy marriage. She could not continue living like this — or without Drake. She must talk to Mawgan — if she could find him.
She placed her hat and her gloves absently on the sideboard and entered the drawing room. Two used glasses were on the table and a faint aroma of cigar smoke still lingered in the air. She left and went into his study. It was empty and had not been aired. The letters he had been writing the day before still lay on his desk, unsent.
Evelyn left, carefully shutting the door behind her. Perhaps her husband had only just gone out. As she climbed the stairs, she decided she would change from her travelling clothes and make the most of being alone by catching up with some correspondence. She walked along the passage to her bedroom and was about to turn the handle when she heard a sound coming from Mawgan’s room. He must be changing too, she decided, leaving her own door handle untouched, she reached for his.
Mawgan was lying in the bed, naked, in a tangle of white linen and legs — four legs. Evelyn’s mouth opened as she watched the two writhing bodies in her husband’s bed. Bodies that were so entwined that at first her brain could not decipherwhat she was seeing. Mawgan, shining with sweat, rose up on his hands to look down on his lover. His face flushed with the passion she had failed to ignite, his breath rapid and frantic. She must have made a noise, for he looked at her in horror. His lover turned too and she found herself staring into the eyes of David.
* * *
‘Why did you marry me, Mawgan?’ asked Evelyn, when Mawgan finally burst into the drawing room. She had been waiting for him, numb with shock and trying to make sense of all the possibilities that were unfolding before her. He finished buttoning up his shirt and began to tuck it in his trousers.
‘I can explain.’
‘There is nothing to explain.’
‘It is not what you think you saw.’
Evelyn raised an eyebrow. ‘I am not a fool, Mawgan. I know what I saw.’
Mawgan took her shoulders and turned her to face him. His face, panic-stricken, still shone with the perspiration of lust. ‘I will tell him to leave. I won’t have him here again.’
Evelyn shook him off. ‘You cannot change who you are,’ she said, stepping away. ‘You will meet him again, perhaps not here, but somewhere else. It is no way to live.’ She turned to him. ‘Why did you marry me?’
‘You know why.’
‘I thought I did. I thought it was because you loved me. After all, despite knowing what I had done and that I loved another man, you were still prepared to take me as your wife.’ Evelyn frowned as she remembered the past. ‘They told me I was not in my right mind. They told me you were saving me from myself and protecting my reputation. I began to believe them. I was even grateful that I would not be carted away to some godforsaken clinic.’ She turned to look at him, her head tilted toone side in pensive thought. ‘We both know why I married you, but why did you marry me?’
‘I loved you.’
Evelyn shook her head. ‘No. You have never loved me. I know what it feels like to be loved and I do not feel it from you.’
‘It was our parents’ wish.’
It was a feeble excuse. ‘Your father was already dead. You no longer needed to please him. Was it for my inheritance?’
‘I care nothing for your inheritance. I am happy here, at Cedar Lodge.’
‘Then why did you marry me if you do not like women?’
Mawgan looked away, a red blush forming on his cheeks. Evelyn stepped into his line of sight. ‘You didn’t marry me for any of those reasons,’ challenged Evelyn. ‘You married me to save yourself.’
