‘It will be easier for you to divorce me than I to divorce you. I am willing to be the adulterer, if you give me what I want. I also want your word that you will not sue Drake.’
Mawgan lifted his chin. ‘I will not allow it,’ he said, refusing to meet her eyes. ‘Nicholas will be distraught you have chosen a man over him.’
‘I want Nicholas to live with me.’
Mawgan stepped away from her touch. ‘Never. He stays with me.’
‘You are afraid of what society will think of you allowing him to live with me. However, if we remain friends, society will accept it more readily.’
‘I have said my piece. There will be no divorce. I will not have our marriage picked over by reporters.’
Evelyn clasped her hands together, fearful he may see them trembling. She had seen Nicholas with his real father today and could still feel Drake’s kisses on her lips. It was a glimpse of what her future could be and she would be damned if she would let this chance go. She had spent her life dictated to by society’s rules, etiquette and expectation. For the most part she had found them stifling, at times they had almost destroyed her. She would not let the opinions of others ruin her only chance of happiness. This time she was prepared to do whatever was required to fight back.
‘Then I will have to divorce you.’
Mawgan’s eyes widened. ‘You wouldn’t dare.’
‘I dare. As a woman I have to have two reasons for divorce, adultery and one other.’
‘You intend to recount what you have seen here today?’ Mawgan was horrified and rightly so. ‘Evelyn, if they believe you, David and I will be sent to prison.’
Evelyn did not let her gaze waiver. He must never know that she would never do that to him. Instead she said crisply, ‘And no judge will allow Nicholas to live with you when you are eventually set free. However, grant me a divorce and give me my son and I will never speak of it.’
‘The dutiful daughter and wife has turned into a blackmailing viper!’
‘If I had the same rights as a man, I would not have needed to!’ Evelyn breathed in deeply. Shouting would solve nothing, on either side. She sighed and reached for his hand. ‘I just want to be happy. I want you to be happy too and being married to me is not how you can achieve it.’
Mawgan stared at her hands holding one of his, his was taut with tension, hers a warm, soothing balm to calm his fears. Gradually she felt his tension drain away. ‘I can never have what you hope to have,’ he murmured.
Evelyn gave his hand a gentle squeeze. ‘You can. We both can.’
‘No. I can’t. I’ve tried.’ Mawgan pulled his hand away. With one jerk of his head, he drank the full contents of his glass and returned to the sideboard to pour another. ‘I will always have to be on my guard, fearful that a look or an endearment spoken without thought will expose the real me.’ Mawgan raked a trembling hand through his hair. ‘It is only since our marriage I have admitted that side to my character to myself.’ He swung round to face her. ‘I have lived my life at odds with the world, not really understanding why I felt so different from everyone else. It was why I jumped at the chance of touring the Empire when my father suggested it. I could escape the world where I did not fit. I see now that I was only escaping from myself. Only I didn’t.’ He threw her a glance. ‘It is easier to succumb to one’s leanings in a far-flung colony where no one knows you, Evelyn. Black, white, labourer, employer, trader . . . even stranger . . . If a man looks hard enough, he will find—’
‘I do not want to hear the details.’
‘I blamed it on the opium, the heat, the spices, the sound of their drums as they beat late into the night. After each encounter I blamed it on something, someone, other than myself. On myreturn to England I convinced myself it was out of my system. An illness I’d exorcised and successfully cured. David was waiting for me when I returned. He later told me that he had known the first time we met at university. He was just waiting for the day I accepted it. I think he was hoping the tour would bring me to my senses. I, on the other hand, took longer . . . right up until the day we were wed. After that I could no longer deny the truth, but by then it was too late.’
‘It doesn’t matter now. I just want to be free.’ Evelyn took the glass from his hand. ‘Please, Mawgan, I beg you. We have both tried to live up to the expectations of our parents. Isn’t it about time we lived for ourselves? You could live here with David, with minimal staff. No one need know. I will not tell anyone.’
‘It is illegal.’
‘It should be a crime to be in a loveless marriage and waste years in a relationship neither of us want. An uncontested divorce has a better chance of not attracting scandal. We can remain friends. We are cousins and will always be so.’
Mawgan touched her cheek and smiled sadly as she looked up at him. ‘You have it all planned.’
‘For once in my life, I do. I just need your help.’
‘We are a fine pair,’ mused Mawgan.
Evelyn’s heart lifted. Was Mawgan considering her request? Dare she hope such a thing?
Mawgan smiled. ‘You are being very brave.’
‘Brave is not the word I would use.’
‘Yes it is. A woman’s reputation is delicate and therefore the easier to damage. Divorce is a heavier burden for a woman than a man.’
‘I can bear it.’
