Feeling vulnerable and unsure of himself, Ben sat, then shifted in his chair and checked his watch once again before asking, “How does this work?I am not exactly sure what to expect here.”
“I typically like to meet with my first-time clients together with both spouses or significant others to get a sense of what they hope to accomplish with couples counseling.At some point later, I often meet with them one-on-one,” replied Daniels.“Since we weren’t able to do that, we are doing things a little out of order.As you know, I went ahead and visited with Ella last week.After you and I talk today, I would like to set up a time for all three of us to talk next week if that works for you.”
Nodding Ben said, “Sure.Whatever.”I hope we don’t need to do many weeks of this, he thought.He simply did not have the time, then he caught himself.Ella was the most important thing in the world to him.He would come as many times as it took to fix whatever needed fixing for her to be happy again.
“So, Ben,” Daniels began.“Ella tells me that you travel a lot for work and often work twelve- to sixteen-hour days.What do you do that requires such dedication?”
For the next few minutes, Ben tried to explain what his job was and why he kept such a demanding schedule.Daniels, who was from Arkansas, was familiar with Ben’s family and remembered that Ben’s father had recently won a big case against a local crime syndicate and was running for governor.
Ben could tell the counselor was trying to put the pieces together.“Ella told me that you are about to graduate with your master’s in Poli Sci and that you expect to begin Bowen Law next fall.You really are a driven, very busy young man: a new wife, a baby coming, law school,andworking for your father.That is a lot for anyone.How are you feeling about all of the changes that you and Ella have and will continue to face over the next few months?”
Trying to decipher where the counselor was going with this line of questioning, Ben replied, “I feel great about it.I am not the one with the issue here.I think Ella is a little homesick and maybe irritated that I am gone so much, but honestly, I think we are doing great…considering.”Ben was not sure he actually thought that, but he hated that someone else, someone he did not even know, would think they had problems.Of course, if everything were great, he would not be here.
“Okay,” replied Daniels, giving Ben a look.“I am trying to get a sense of why you are here.”
Without missing a beat, Ben said, “I am here because my wife did not give me a choice in the matter.”
“I am not sure that is exactly true,” replied Daniels.“We all have choices.You have chosen to be here today.What I meant was, what do you hope to gain through marriage counseling?What is your goal in coming here?”
Ben gave Daniels a look and said honestly, “That is the truth.I am here because of Ella.She said I either came with her to marriage counseling, or she is going back to California.I love my wife.I want to make her happy.But lately, I can’t seem to do anything right.She seems determined to give up on us before we even have a chance to get started.So here I am.Tell me what I need to do to fix my marriage, and I will do it because I am never letting her or my son go.”A look of raw emotion rolled over Ben’s face as he spoke.
For a second, the counselor did not say anything, and when he did speak, he said, “I hate to tell you this, but counseling does not actually work like that.I can’t just tell you what to do, and you snap your fingers and fix the issues in your marriage.Marriage is a lot of work.All marriages are work—especially young ones.Right now, yours has a lot of stressors.What should be a harmonious honeymoon phase has been greatly affected by tremendous change and demands on both of your time.From what I understand, Ella has recently taken a job in Des Arc.So in addition to all you are dealing with, she is an expectant mom trying to build her own career.”
“You are not wrong.But for the record, I begged her not to take that job.I can more than provide for us.There was no reason for her to work.No matter what I said, she was adamant about taking it.Now we see even less of each other.At least when she was living in Little Rock, I got to at least see her every night.”
Truthfully, what Ben meant was that at least he got to sleep with her.God how he missed lying down, hauling her in close, and feeling her sleep next to him.That was so selfish.But he did.They had only been together a short few months, but in that time he had grown to love sleeping next to her, and waking up next to her was the highlight of each day.No way was he going to say that aloud.Apparently, his wife did not feel the same way.
For a moment, Daniels did not respond.Then he cleared his throat and said, “It was my understanding from Ella that she took the job out of a need to feel useful and to use her degree.From what she told me, it was an amazing opportunity for someone so young.She said that typically only people with master’s degrees and multiple years of experience are offered the opportunity to run a soil-and-water study on the scale she is overseeing.”
“Yes, you are correct, but as you said, Ella is young.Very young.I don’t know if you know this, but she is just twenty.She is a genius who graduated from high school by sixteen and from college in three years.She is brilliant.There is no question, this is an amazing opportunity for her.But I can’t help but worry it is all too much.You said yourself that we have had a lot of stress already in our relationship dealing with my job.Adding her new job to the mix has been a tipping point.”
“For her or for you?”asked the counselor.
Immediately, Ben reacted defensively.“I am not sure what you mean.”
“I mean, I can hear in your voice how proud you are of Ella.I also know that the only time I saw Ella completely relaxed while I was visiting with her was when she was talking about her job.You two seem to have different views on how her employment is affecting your marriage.She seems to think it was going to make it stronger.I gather that is not how you view it.”
“I don’t know, man.You tell me.You are the expert.”Ben could feel himself getting defensive, but he was not sure why.Only a few minutes before he had practically asked the guy to tell him how to quickly fix whatever was broken in his relationship, but the second he brought up Ella’s job, he lost it.Blowing out a long breath, Ben raked his fingers through his hair and said, “I don’t know what I am supposed to say.I love my wife.I want her with me.I want her to be happy.I know she wants a career, but she is about to have a baby.We haven’t even figured out how to be married to each other yet.How are we going to figure out how to parent together if she keeps running off and hiding behind a job she doesn’t need?”
“Is that how you feel?Like she has run off and left you?”
“In a way, yes.I guess.I don’t know.I don’t understand why this is so hard.I love her.She loves me.We love our unborn son.We want a life together.Why can’t that be enough?”
Without answering that question, Daniels gave Ben a look and took him by surprise by asking him if he remembered the first time he met Ella.
Shaking his head, Ben gave a bark of laughter and said, “You have met my wife.She is stunning and not easily forgotten.I think I fell in love with her the minute I laid eyes on her.”
“Really,” replied Daniels.“Tell me about that.”
Getting lost in his memories, Ben’s expressions softened as he said, “Well, it is kind of a funny story.She literally fell into my arms.From the moment I caught her, I have never wanted to let her go.”
For the next hour, Ben shared his and Ella’s story.Even though he had been totally opposed to the idea of marriage counseling, once he got to talking, the words flowed out of him.
Ben was shocked when Jeff held up a hand to stop him.“I hate to do this, but I am going to need to stop you.We are almost out of time, and I want to give you some homework to work on before we meet again.”
Ben could not believe the hour had sped by so quickly.For something he had been dreading so much, the hour had passed fast.Giving Daniels a look, Ben asked, “Homework?What kind of homework?”He had almost finished his last project for his master’s in Poli Sci and the thought of more work filled him with dread.
“Nothing too taxing, I promise,” replied Jeff.“I want you to spend some time reflecting on some aspects of your and Ella’s courtship and marriage.I gave Ella something similar to work on.It will hopefully give each of you some distance from some of the issues that are clouding your relationship.By gaining a better perspective, you will be able to better understand your own position and that of your partner.I caution you not to discuss your answers with each other before you have them written down.Sometimes couples who do their homework together end up just putting down what they think their partner wants to hear, and it isn’t as authentic as it needs to be.Does all of this make sense?”Jeff looked at Ben expectantly.
