Ella gave a short bark of a laugh.“Ben did not decide anything.I sort of did not give him a choice in the matter.We have only been married since December.We should still be in the honeymoon phase, but if you haven’t figured it out already, we have done everything out of order.Our whole relationship has been a struggle—from sneaking around to an unplanned pregnancy, nothing about our relationship has ever been easy.”
Jeff could see the strain Ella’s words were having on her.Wanting to better figure out how to help her and Ben address their issues, he asked, “So you have come here to find a way to make your marriage more manageable.To reduce the day-to-day struggle?Because if that is your goal, I can certainly help the two of you with some coping strategies.But I have to be honest.Marriage is hard, and having a good marriage takes work.”
For a moment, Ella did not say a word.When she did respond, she said, “I totally get that marriage takes work.I may only have been doing this a few months, but I learned that real quick.No, the reason I insisted that Ben and I talk to someone is that we are having a hard time figuring out the direction of our lives.Not to toot our horns, but we are both pretty accomplished people.We both had very specific futures planned out for ourselves before we met.Figuring out how to mesh our very different life dreams into one has proven impossible so far.I know we are young, but we love each other.We want to be together.Ben wants a life here in Arkansas.I never saw that for myself.I have been laser focused on getting my grad degree from Michigan and returning to Napa to work for a gold-star green winery.We can’t figure out how to make it all work without one of us having to give up everything for the other.So far, the only person being expected to give up anything has been me.My goal is for us to figure out a way to work through this maze without either one of us totally resenting the other one.”Ella looked pleadingly at the counselor and asked, “Do you think you can help us?Or are we as doomed as it feels like we are?”
Jeff was silent for a moment, then he answered her question.“Well, I never promise anything.The truth is that in therapy, I provide you with the tools, resources, and space you need to help yourselves.If you are both willing to put in the work, are committed to the process of self-discovery, and share a willingness to see things from the other person’s perspective, then yes, I can certainly help you.So what do you think?Do you think you two are willing to do that?”
Ella immediately nodded.She believed that both she and Ben would do whatever it took to find a way to be together and support each other’s dreams.“Yes, I believe we are.Ben, too, even though he is not here today.I promise you he will be here for the next appointment.”
Jeff gave Ella a strange look, then smiled and said, “Well, in that case, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself and how you ended in a place you never saw yourself being.”
Without missing a beat, Ella asked, “Do you mean pregnant at twenty or living in Arkansas?”
Jeff laughed and said, “Both.”
For the remainder of their hour together, Ella told Jeff about her life growing up in Napa and her deep love for soil conservation and her commitment to soil sustainability.She briefly touched on her and Ben’s courtship, but Jeff asked so many questions about her education and interest in her chosen field that she really did not go into a lot of detail about how she and Ben met or how they got together.She figured that would be a discussion for their next session.She ended the session explaining how much she loved her job in Des Arc.She shared how it had helped her fill the hours Ben was away and offered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to run a field study, something that was unheard of for someone without a master’s degree.
At the end of the session, Jeff suggested that because he had met with Ella individually, it would probably be best if he met with Ben alone before they came back together for a couples session.As Ella left, she booked Ben an appointment for the following week, and Jeff gave her some homework to complete before she came back in two weeks for their joint session.She was to list all the things she loved about Ben, including the traits and attributes she admired in him.Ella left feeling lighter and more hopeful than she had in weeks.
Later that night, as Ella recounted her session with Jeff to Ben over the phone, she said, “I really think this guy can help us.Oh, and I set up an appointment for you next week on the third.I got the first one of the day again since you said that works best for you.”
Ben replied, “Hmm, I am not sure that will work.I have a pretty tight schedule next week.”
Ella, who had been floating on the good feeling from earlier in the day, felt her anger flare.“Benjamin Carrington, you listen to me, and you listen well.You will be at that appointment, or I will be on the first plane back to Cali once this study is done.Do you hear me?This is our future.Do you understand me?”
Ben, who had only been half listening as he worked on his grad project while they talked, growled, “Gessh, Ella.Chill out.I will go.Stop making such a big deal out of it.”
“Itisa big deal,” huffed Ella.“It’s our life.Our future.And John’s future.”
Shocked at Ella’s response, Ben tried to console her.“Seriously, El, chill.I understand.I will be there.Just calm down.Getting so upset can’t be good for you or the baby.”
Huffing again, Ella replied, “The baby is fine.I will take care of him.You just make sure you are at the therapist’s office next week.”
Feeling his own anger rising, Ben replied, “I said I would be there.Drop it.Let’s talk about something else.”
Ella, who had been really enjoying her nightly phone call with Ben, was suddenly exhausted.“I am really tired.I am going to get off and go to bed.I will talk to you tomorrow.”
Ben could tell he had royally pissed off Ella, so he tried to make peace.“I am sorry I upset you.I love you.Go get some rest.I will call you tomorrow.I would come there, but I really need to work on my project.”
“I get it.Remember, I have done my own fair share of senior projects.Keep working.I am fine.I will see you on Friday.I love you.Good night.”
“Good night.Love you.”
As tired as Ella was, she lay in bed that night worrying about what would happen if Ben backed out on the appointment.She had taken Lynn’s advice and given him an ultimatum.She prayed she did not have to follow through with it.She was not sure she would have the strength to walk away from him if he refused to go.From such a high earlier in the day, she was now more worried than she had ever been.She fell asleep praying Ben would be the man she thought he was.
Chapter 28
Little Rock, Arkansas
A week later, Ben found himself in the therapist’s bland waiting room.He was nervous and frustrated, but not really sure why.He hated that his and Ella’s marriage had gotten to the point that she felt they needed to talk to a counselor.With all he had on the plate at the moment, this was almost more than he could handle.But Ella had laid down the law.He was here for her; he just hoped it worked.
When the counselor opened his office door and greeted Ben with an extended hand, he pasted a smile on his face honed by weeks of fake niceness and shook his hand.
The counselor said, “Ben, Jeff Daniels, nice to meet you.Come on in.”
Ben replied, “Nice to meet you.So sorry about having to cancel on you last week.”
“No problem.Ella explained you were held up because of the weather.I am glad you were able to make today work,” Daniels said, nodding and gestured for Ben to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk.
