SunshineGuy
This is insane. It’s a GROCERY STORE MEET-CUTE.
TruthGuardian
Exactly. The most generic, uninspired setting possible. Classic fabrication territory.
Now I’m actually offended on behalf of all people who’ve met at grocery stores everywhere.
SunshineGuy
Grocery stores are perfect for meeting someone! You can tell a lot about a person by their cart contents.
TruthGuardian
So what secrets do your cart contents tell about you?
I pause. Because this is what has been happening over the past few months. For the first year or so we communicated, it was pretty much nothing but terse exchanges about the factual basis of the stories and insults about his cynicism and my gullibility. But when you spend up to ten hours a week messaging someone about the factual reality of love stories, sometimes personal stuff creeps in because you inevitably draw on your own life as evidence.
Therefore, I know he has a brother who once signed him up for speed dating without telling him, that his Netflix algorithm is ninety percent true-crime documentaries, and that he genuinely enjoys reading Terms of Service agreements.
And he knows I have a concerning collection of novelty socks organized by mood, that I unironically believe in astrology when it tells me good things about my love life and dismiss it completely when it doesn’t, and I have a roommate called Angel who dresses in all black and steals my emergency stash of peanut butter cups.
SunshineGuy
My cart is 80% snacks I’m hiding from my roommate, 15% ingredients for meals I’ll convince myself I’m going to cook, and 5% impulse purchases from the checkout aisle because I have zero willpower. Also, there’s always at least one item I’ve grabbed because the packaging looked cheerful. I’m a simple man.
TruthGuardian
Yes, your approach to factually verifying stories definitely demonstrates that you are a simple man.
I grin. You can always trust TruthGuardian to slip in a veiled insult whenever possible.
SunshineGuy
Anyway, back to the post. It has 189 glow stars now. People love this story.
TruthGuardian
People love fiction. That’s why romance novels exist. But we’re supposed to be moderating for the truth, remember?
SunshineGuy
So you’re going to message them and ask for their grocery receipts from eight years ago? I’m sure that’s totally normal behavior.
TruthGuardian
I’ll ask for the date and location and check it against power outage records.
SunshineGuy
What are the stakes? Loser admits the other was right in the forum announcements?
TruthGuardian
Pass. I’m still recovering from having to write “SunshineGuy’s optimism was justified” after the porta-potty proposal turned out to be real.
SunshineGuy
