“That’s not very supportive.”
“I’m not concerned. Whatever’s wrong, you’ll handle it. You’re good at life stuff.”
“But not matters of the heart.”
“Ah, so we’re going to talk about Marcus. Interesting. I wondered if you’d miss him and it seems you do.”
“I do. A lot.” Jax looked out at the sky. At nearly eight, the sun was making a last flirty appearance before setting.
She stretched out her legs and sighed. “I don’t think I know how to be in a romantic relationship. I’m afraid to trust someonewith my life and any important decisions. Apparently being vulnerable is part of the whole love thing and I don’t want to trust anyone with my, you know, heart. So I hold back.”
Ryleigh glanced at her. “You mean romantically, right? Because you love me and your kids and Ramon.”
“And Huckleberry. I love Huckleberry.”
“I’m sure he’ll be delighted to know he’s made the cut.”
Jax drew in a breath. “Doesn’t it scare you to love Alex?”
“Mostly it hurts. He’s amazing and everything I want.”
“He’ll get over Kim.” Jax silently added the wordeventually, because she had no idea when that would happen.
“Agreed, but when that happens, there’s no reason to think I’ll be the one he wants to be with. Thus far he’s managed to avoid falling in love with me. We’re having sex, Jax. Regular, amazing sex. If that and our friendship isn’t enough to crack open his heart, then nothing will. He doesn’t think of me that way.” Her sister paused. “Wow, you’re really good at not talking about your issues. You totally distracted me.”
“I wasn’t trying,” Jax said. “I was really asking. Aren’t you scared to love Alex?”
“No. I want to love him. I want the connection, the closeness. I want to spend my life with him. He’s the one for me.”
“The one.” Jax shook her head. “I don’t know what that means. I don’t believe in the one.”
“Then phrase it differently.”
“I want to be with someone in a relationship that makes sense to me. I want to feel that we fit.” She thought about what had gone wrong in her marriage. Some was Harris but a lot was her. “I want to feel safe.”
“Don’t you feel safe now?”
“Yes, of course. I meant I want to feel that it’s okay for me to, you know, expose the bad parts and be able to trust he can handle it.”
Ryleigh swung her legs around so she was facing her sister.“Jax, Marcus was totally there for you when Ramon ran off. He took charge and dealt with all the things.”
“I know.”
“Are you going to let someone great get away because you’re scared?”
“Maybe.” Even as she spoke, Jax was shaking her head. “Well, that’s just dumb. The love thing threw me. I’m not ready to love anyone. But I do miss him.” She was also dealing with an unexpected sense of loss when it came to him. Like it could have been great, but she’d blown it.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she announced. “Distract me, please.”
“I got a job offer.”
Now Jax was the one swinging her feet to the ground as she stared at Ryleigh. Cold swept through her and she wanted to scream that there was no way in hell her sister was moving. Only she saw the pain and determination in her sister’s eyes. This was one of those moments they would both remember. Jax could completely mess it up, or she could do the right thing, no matter how much it hurt.
“I love you,” she said, grabbing Ryleigh’s hand. “I’ve loved you from the moment I told Mom that yes, we should have a sister. I believe in you and I want you happy. If you want to move, then I’ll help in every way I can.”
Ryleigh’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave you and the kids and my life, but I can’t stay here. It’s going to hurt too much. I still want all the things, Jax. I want to fall in love and have kids. If I stay, I’ll only be in love with Alex.”
“I know.” Jax hugged her. “This totally sucks.” She drew back. “Have you told him?”
