Ryleigh shook her head. “I don’t know. Being in love means giving up control. You don’t do that.”
Jax didn’t like the sound of that. “I do. All the time.”
Her sister looked at her. “Really? Give me two examples.”
“I let other people look for Ramon.”
“How did that mean giving up control of the situation?”
“I don’t know but it did. I’m fine. Totally normal. I’m dating Marcus. We’re going out and that means I could fall in love with him.” Possibly. Maybe. She really hadn’t thought that far ahead.
“I’m not sure you want to be in love.”
“I do.” Jax was pretty sure she did. “What is love, anyway? We think it’s real but I’m not sure. The romantic kind seems iffy. You thought you were in love with Dustin and you weren’t. I’m not sure Harris and I were ever in love.”
“Love is real. Look at Mom and Taft. Or Alex and Kim. You saw them together. Just being close to them, you could feel the love.”
Ryleigh’s tone was wistful, Jax thought, worried that this conversation would only fuel her desire to move, but Jax wasn’t sure how to change the subject now.
“You’re afraid,” her sister added, sounding surprised.
“I’m not. Afraid of what?”
“Love. Risking your heart. Getting hurt. Did you pick Harris because you knew he could never really hurt you?”
“How can you ask that? I was devastated by the divorce. Blindsided. We had a life.”
“You had a life and he had a life, but the two of you were never a ‘we.’” Ryleigh seemed to be figuring out what she wanted to say as she went. “Everyone was blinded by the chemistry. You had the sparks. But thatwasjust sex. It wasn’t a connection of the heart. Huh. Jax, have you ever been in love with anyone romantically?”
“I have. I have! Of course. Dozens of times.” She struggled to come up with a name. “In high school when I dated Joe—we were in love.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so. So what’s the issue? You’re strong and smart and funny. You care about people. I’ve never thought of you as stunted before.”
“I’m not stunted!” Jax voice was a yelp. “You take that back.”
“You’re nearly thirty-eight and you’ve never been in love. I guess that sends us back to the whole control issue. You won’t give it up. I’m sorry, sis, but I can’t think of another word that fits.” She tilted her head. “Is it Mom? When we were growing up, she talked about being independent and not needing anyone. You were the oldest, so you heard more of that than me. Then we came here and she and Taft reunited and it was great. But had the lesson been learned? Or is it because you had to take care of me from the time I was born? Or is it just hardwired into you?”
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Jax snapped. “I’m perfect.”
Ryleigh started to laugh. “Sorry, but you are so far from perfect.”
“Maybe, but you know what I mean.” She thought about what her sister was saying. “I’ll admit I might have control issues. As for Harris, we were both so young. I think we were in a place where we wanted to be married—to enter the next phase of life. He was there and I was there, and the sex was good, so hey. But we never really meshed. We weren’t partners.”
“What about with Marcus? Could he be a partner?”
Jax thought about how he’d been there for her and how he always went out of his way to be with her and take care of whatever needed doing. He talked about being trustworthy in a way that made her want to believe. He was dependable and kind, good with Ramon, and the way he kissed...
“You’re smiling,” Ryleigh pointed out. “You have a thing for him.”
“As we’re going out, I should have a thing for him. He’s great. I like him. You know the kid who was left alone at nights while his mom worked? Marcus helped her get a better job and now she’s working days. Her son doesn’t have to be scared anymore.”
“You admire him.”
“I do. With Harris, I never felt I could fully trust him, but I trust Marcus.”
“Enough to fall in love with him?”
The question had Jax physically taking a step back. Ryleigh sighed.
