48
It’s not been as long as it’s felt since he began telling me what happened. Sometime between the beginning and end, we let one another go.
I don’t remember why it happened, but it felt like we both needed to see each other. He’s staring at me as he finishes, and I stand here in silence, my mouth slowly parting.
What do I even say?
I can’t hesitate—but the words won’t come.
He’s staring at me, almost pleading. For what? Forgiveness? He already has it. Even knowing one decision might have changed the fate of both our parents, it isn’t his fault.
“Ayden… say something…”
When he says my name, I shake my head. “Keo… my god, you’ve?—”
“You do that…” He takes a stepback, and I swear my heart cracks. “Hesitate. I can never tell if it’s because you’re about to lie to me or not.”
“No, no, no! I swear, that’s not why I’m… hesitating. I’m not hesitating!” I move toward him, but he keeps the distance between us. Panic claws at me, and I know I need to fix this. “I don’t blame you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Then why do I have todragthe words out of you?” His voice lifts, sharp enough to make my eyes widen. “You don’t have to forgive me…”
“Keo! There isnothingto forgive.”
“You don’t even have to love me right now.”
What…
“Just don’t lie to me.”
“What are you even talking about? Idolove you.”
I’m losing him. That look—it’s the same one he had that night at the bar. As if the wordhollowhas taken shape in his eyes, turning them distant. It’s no longer like I’m meeting his amber gaze, but staring through a fogged window, clouded with smoke from a fire burning too close to everything I love.
“I blame myself for so much…”
I shake my head. “Keo?—”
“If I hadn’t ran out on you that night… would you have ever met Michael?” A chill runs down my side. “Do you think of that?”
Swallowing, I once again shake my head. “No. Never.”
“Jokes on us both… huh? It took me a long time to realize thebad joke.” If it could, and I’d stay alive, my heart would’ve shattered right then. “I’vefucked upso many lives. Unintentionally. But look at the connecting piece. It’s me.”
“What happened to me… What happened to our parents, none of that is your fault.”
“Tell that to the fucked-up asshole in my head who won’t let it go!” He rakes his fingers through his hair and turns away.
He’s leaving.
“Keo, stop.” I move quickly to step in front of him. “This is ridiculous, you did?—”
“Ridiculous?” The way he narrows his eyes at me tells me I chose the wrong word. “Is that what this feeling is? My reactions? Why is it ridiculous, sunshine?”
“Because you’ve done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing wrong.”
He lets out a hollow chuckle.
“If I hadn’t taken that extra shift… If I had just let them in… I see it from time to time, you know?”
