“Bye, guys.”
“Bye, honey.”
The phone feels heavy, and even more so when I press the button to end the call.
I stare at the screen as it goes black, and after a second, take a deep breath. This feeling is probably from lying, but it’s a small fib to get me through the next ten days. I’ll see them so much sooner than they think, and I’msoexcited.
August 1st, 2026
“I’m so sorry, Keoni.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Keoni, how horrible, I just heard what happened.”
Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP!
It’s nearly one hundred and twenty degrees, but I feel cold. So… fucking cold…
Wrapping my arms around my body, I scream. It’s not loud enough, because I just know whatever god exists up there can’t hear me.
So, I do it again. And again.
My entire body shakes as I stare down into the dirt. It’s not orange or red, it’s fucking black. I’m in an endless nightmare.
“They were in an accident…”
Shut up…
“Take solace in that they didn’t suffer.”
Shut up!!
I grab a handful of dirt and rocks, squeeze them so tight I feel the tears in my skin, before throwing everything.
I did this…
Turning my hands over, I watch the blood trickle down both palms and across my wrists.
I did this… If I’d just… let them in. If I hadn’t tried to surprise them. If I had just been fucking better. Been a better son…
“Mom…” I shake my head. “Fuck…” Tears build around my eyes, some falling down my face as I try to keep myself from passing out.
I feel lightheaded.
I feel raw, empty.In so much pain.
Bending forward, I slam my head onto the ground and scream once more.
“Give me one more chance, please. Please… if a god exists, please don’t let this happen.” I hit the dirt over and over with my head. “I’ll leave work. I’ll spend every fucking second with them. Please, please give her back. I-I’m sorry… I-I’m sorry, Alysa… I’m so sorry, Ayden…”
It’s all my fault.
All my fault.
My fault.
I… can’t take anymore guilt…
