He stands so still, unlike me, who’s trembling. The pain in his voice is laced with defeat.No…
“If I had kept them on the phone for a few minutes. Forced them to a hotel… that semi would’ve hit someone else. They’d still be alive. I see the what-ifs. But you want to know the fucked-up part? What I realized?”
My fingertips spark with the need to touch him. To pull him close and show him just how muchI love him. This feels like… he’s trying to leave. Like he’s preparing to say goodbye, and I can’t bear that.
“I don’t know if I’d change anything from that night now.”
The ache in my chest is so sharp that tears spring into my eyes before I even realize it.
“I got you out of it. Finally…” His voice wavers. “How fucked up am I?! The guilt I feel comes from every goddamn corner of my brain! I drove you away. I didn’t let them in. I don’t want them back!”
I hesitate for only a moment before whispering, “Me… too, Keo. Me, too. Baby, I feel the same way. We can be fucked up together if that’s what it means.” Stepping closer, I press my trembling hands against his chest.
He looks slowly down at my hands. “Guilt is… lonely. It’s different than loss, different than… physical pain. It’s a place of darkness that seems endless, and the only thing present is the reason for it. It hangs there, in a room with no windows or doors. It doesn’t let anyone in, and it sure as hell won’t let you out.”
“Then you should’ve screamed for me to break through. Let me sit in there with you. Don’t be in this alone.”
His hands move to my shoulders… and he slowly steps me back. “You deserve the sun, Ayden. I don’t want to be in that darkness, so why the hell would I drag you into it?”
“Keo, please… We can get through this—” He pulls me to the side as he steps around me, and goes for his truck. “Don’t walk away!” I go for his arm, but he jerks it away.
“Let me go—” I swear I nearly vomit. “I just need to be alone for a bit.”
“No… we can—we can do this together, please.”
Am I above begging? Nope. Absolutely not. I rush to the back of the truck and stand. He climbs in, starts it up, and adjusts the rearview so I can see his eyes.
“I’m not letting you go!”
Before I can react, he’s out of the car, leaving it running, and pacing toward me. I square my shoulders, meeting his defiance with my own.
“Listen, we can—” He literally grabs me and slings me over his shoulder. “What the fuck!?”
I could seriously do damage if I kicked or hit him, but I don’t want to hurt him… even if he’s tearing me apart mentally and emotionally.
I don’t knee or punch, but I try to wriggle free—shifting my hips, grabbing his jacket to get down.
Within less than a minute, the warmth of the cabin wraps around us, and I’m thrown onto the couch.
He says nothing.
Doesn’t look at me.
He simply turns toward the front door.
“Keoni!” Brittany screams.
If he thinks I’m just going to sit here and watch him walk out, he’s wrong. I’m back on my feet just as he grabs an umbrella and slams the door. No more than seconds later, I open it and go for the screen door but it won’t budge.
The umbrella is jammed between the handle.
I spin around, brushing past a crying Britt, and head for the back door. I’m moving too slow, because the moment I see the red lights of his truck, he’s nearly disappearing down the pathway.
Away from the cabin.
Away fromme.
No…
