“Which is why I gave you the option to work at my office,” I reminded her.
“And how much work do you think we’re going to get done... at your in-home office. You remember what happened the last time I was there.”
I sure did remember. I bit my bottom lip at the thought of it. I remembered very fucking well.
“I know how to control myself.”
“Do you?”
“I do. Can you?”
She sighed, went quiet again and then sucked her teeth. “Yes I can control myself, Crescent.”
“So, my office? In an hour."
“What?”
“We gon’ keep going back and forth or are you going to meet me at my crib in an hour?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Tell me yes,” I said, taking the phone from my ear to shoot her the address to the crib since she’d only been to the condo.
Again, she went quiet, and I continued to tap on the steering wheel, watching as Luna grew more impatient.
“Two,” said Mahogany.
“Two what?”
“Hours. Bye Crescent.”
With that she hung up and I signaled for Luna to get in. Did I want her to? Hell naw. She was too emotional. I was trying to bury my emotions, not feel them because she felt them. That’s how it was. Twin shit. Even with her standing outside of the door, I could feel what she felt. Luna’s emotions were heavy because she wore them muthafuckas on her sleeve. On her skin for real. She did nothing to hide how she felt. Everything she felt, she felt ten times more than the next muthafucka. It was good that she wasn’t a mother because being a parent required a level of strength that I just didn’t think my big sister had.
She got in and immediately got to it. “Mommy is about to die. What—what am I supposed to do with that? How can I—I can’t handle that Crescent. I don’t want to.”
“There is a lot of shit we don’t want to handle that we have to, regardless of feelings, Lu.”
If anybody knew that it was me. I hated to keep referencing Nova but death knocking on the door was a constant reminder.
She looked over at me. “So, she’s about to die?”
“I didn’t say it. You did.”
“You didn’t correct me.”
“Didn’t see a reason to.”
“Because you believe me.”
“Because death is inevitable,” I said, tapping my thumb on the steering wheel. Sighing, I asked, “What up, Lu? You heavy right now.”
She balled her body up, putting her feet up on the seat, pulling her knees up to her chest. I sighed again.She was heavy as fuck. Tears ran down her face, threatening to run down my own. I looked away, out of the window.
“I’m scared, Cres,” Lu said.
I was too.
Would never admit that to her. Couldn’t. Not because I was ashamed but because she needed to believe I wasn’t. She needed strength and if there was anybody out of the three of us, it was me that she looked to for that. Couldn’t scare her by telling her that I needed some strength ‘round this bitch too. But like moms said… when shit hit the fan they would forget about me and it was happening already. Fuck was I supposed to do with that? Bitch and moan about being forgotten? Act like a little ass boy that needed a hug, too? I took it on the chin. Did what I had to do. Felt when it was time to feel. Although… I felt all of the time. Just couldn’t address it. Had to push it down. Had to walk around like I had it all together… thought out… planned. When in reality, I didn’t have shit worked out. Couldn’t stop thinking about losing Nova. Couldn’t stop thinking about losing ma and what that would mean not just for me, but for a lot of muthafuckas. Still… had to be strong Crescent. Had to be Crescent with all of the answers.
