I looked up at the house again and my chest tightened. I needed to see Mahogany today. Needed the hug seeing her would give me.
“What? No—I can’t. I’m not in the headspace to get dressed up right now, Crescent. All of my virtual meetings been done in a work shirt, and pajama shorts,” she said with a laugh. “Crescent?—“
“Throw on the pajama top and work out of my in-home office, then,” I pled. “Listen… shit…” I paused. “I’m having a fucked-up day and could use the Mahogany experience.”
“The Mahogany Experience isn’t really an experience right now,” she mumbled. “I just told you I’d been in pajama’s all day.”
“I don’t give a fuck...” I paused. “My bad.” Running my hand over the top of my head, I sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that.” I tapped the steering wheel again, feeling my anxiety rise. “Ineedto see you.”
I hated to be a begging ass nigga, but it was the truth. I did need to see her. I couldn’t wait. Wouldn’t wait. I had to see her, and it had to be today. I could’ve called Daija… could’ve released some stress on her, but I didn’t want to. It wasn’t about sex. I just needed to see Mahogany. This situation was fucked up. I needed her all the time, whenever I called. Didn’t have it that way though. She was split and I couldn’t stand that shit on most days. I was subjected to having her during working hours.
She sighed.
“Tell me okay,” I said.
She was quiet for a minute. Probably thinking of ways to tell me no without me convincing her.
Outside, Luna grew impatient.
I put my finger up again. She kicked at gravel.
“I just told you I needed you to be patient with me.”
I tossed my head back against the headrest. Mahogany was a sweet spot. She was… peace in the middle of chaos. And she didn’t have to do much of anything to be that. Just… be present. Being able to look up and see her working would give me what I needed.
“What you want me to do?”
She was quiet for a second. “What do you mean?”
“With needing to see you. In person. How am I supposed to navigate around that and… this?”
“I need patience.”
“I need you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“How you gon tell me what I need?” I asked with a grunt.
She sucked her teeth. “Crescent.”
I sighed. “I need to see you, Mo. Not over no fuckin’ computer screen, neither.”
I needed a distraction from reality and the gravity of it. It was pulling me down. Pulling me closer and closer to a place I didn’t want to be in. Grief was whooping a niggas ass. Hadn’t even lost moms yet but I was grieving her. Grieving because I knew we were closer to the end than we were to anything else.
“I need to see you too,” she mumbled.
“So, what’s the problem?” I asked.
“You know what the problem is. Shit is... it’s complicated."
"You make things complicated. Things could be so simple.”
“But you know they aren’t.”
“Because you complicate them,” I said with a light chuckle.
"You know that’s not just it. You see what just happened.”
