“Aren’t you?” Luna asked.
“I don’t have time to be scared,” I honestly told her.
It was true. I didn’t havetimeto be anything but strong. I had to stay on the go. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sit in my feelings at the end of the day, though. Had been stuck in my feelings so heavy that I hadn’t even gone down to visit my daughter. The weight of what I was dealing with was too heavy. And just like before, I was battling it alone. It was just history repeating itself in a different way.
Luna sucked her teeth. “Crescent.”
“What?”
“You’re scared. It’s… it’s okay to be scared. Don’t… never mind.”
“Don’t what, Lu?” I asked, looking over at her. “Huh?”
She was tiptoeing around shit and I didn’t like it. This whole situation reminded me too much of the time I lost Nova. And as fucked up as it might’ve sounded, I was ready to rip the bandage off. Wanted shit to go ahead and do what it was going to do. Was ready for the burial, the service, the tears, and the earth-shattering grief that would come with all of it. Just so I could get to where I was now. Living. Existing in a world without my daughter in it. When ma passed, I’d just be existing in one without her in it too.
Same pain. In a sense.
Same situation. Same reality. Just wanted the shit to hurry up. I didn’t want to sit through another service. Didn’t want to see my ma in a box. But what I wanted and what would happen were two completely different things that I would have to deal with. So, fuck it. The way I felt… it was valid. Didn’t have a reason to sit up wishing, hoping and praying because none of that shit would change anything.
“Never mind, Crescent.God.”
“I hate when you do that shit,” I mumbled before shifting my car into reverse. “I got some shit to handle.”
“And that’s why I do it because look at you. You… ugh.”
“Alright Lu. Keep your head up.”
“That’s all you’re going to say? Mommy is dying?—
“And what the fuck you want me to do about that, Luna!?” I yelled. “Fuck!”
She flinched. I ignored it.
Dragging my hand down over my beard, I shifted my eyes over to the time. 12:12. Just two more hours. Weak ass nigga.Me. Was looking forward to a bi—a female just to take my mind off of what the fuck I had going on.
Luna didn’t say anything.
She stared at me wide eyed for a couple of seconds before getting out of the car, slamming the door in the process. You think I stopped her? Apologized for snapping? Shit no. I told her she was heavy. That was a good enough warning. I didn’t give a fuck about snapping on her. Didn’t give a fuck about being dismissive… none of that. I wanted that shit up off me. That heaviness. I wanted the tears out of my eyes, and she was the reason for it so… fuck it.
I backed out of the driveway without giving her another look.
Hours later,I was back at the crib, straightening up, waiting for Mahogany to pull up. I was on some sucka shit for real, checking the time on the microwave every couple of minutes. Leaving my parents’ house left me feeling low as hell. I couldn’t wait for her to show up. I knew she was coming to work but fuck I could go for some of that wet ass pussy. But because I told her I could control myself, I would control myself. I knew she wasn’t coming for that shit anyway. Besides, we were crazy behind on the project and needed to get shit moving.
In the middle of me lighting a Dior candle, My phone went off with a notification about someone being at the gate. I grabbed my phone from the table and tapped on the security app. For a second, I watched her on the camera, admiring her. She had her braids pulled up to a big ass bun on the top of her head, accentuating the bone structure in her face. She sat with her elbow resting on the window sill, her head propped up by the ball of her fist. She was impatient. Sucked her teeth and lookedover at the intercom, getting ready to push the doorbell again. Before she could, I hit the unlock button, opening the gates.
I ran my tongue over my bottom lip as I headed for the front door to meet her. Opening the door, I stepped out and the afternoon sun greeted me as I stood at the edge of the porch. I watched as she pulled up, into the circle driveway, with my hands stuffed into the pockets of my gray joggers. She sat there a minute, with the sun visor flipped down before finally getting out. She hiked her big, pink, fluffy laptop bag over her shoulder and looked up at me as she made her way to the porch.
“Good afternoon,” I spoke, wearing a smile before she got to the porch.
Once she did, I wrapped my arms around her for a hug. She was a little stiff at first but eventually melted into my arms.
“Good afternoon, Crescent.”
I led her into the crib, and she took her black Nike’s off. She was dressed down in a pair of black leggings that gripped her ass with perfection and a pink sweatshirt with the word ‘Utopia’ on it.
“You have a really nice house,” she complimented, as we stood in the foyer, getting ready to make our way to the office.
I chucked my chin. “‘Preciate it. This one Crescent coded too?” I asked with a smirk.
