“We talked about that already. I’m okay. We’re okay.”
The moonlight creeping in from the blinds hit his face, showing me the worry written on it and my heart broke just a little. I had played with him too much. I had done this back-and-forth thing too many times and I hated what it did to him. He needed certainty. How would I give that to him when I wasn’t sure myself?
I took a deep breath, looked away from his face, and laid my head back on his chest. With wide eyes, I stared off into the distance, my heart racing a bit. I didn’t want this to end. I wanted us to stay just like this but… the truth of the matter was, I was still a work in progress.
“My intentions are pure,” I said, after a couple of minutes of silence. “But… I need patience. If you can give me patience, I can give you me. I can give us… this. No games. No back and forth. Just us. Solid.”
“I need you to look at me when you say that,” he said.
With a deep breath, I turned over and propped myself up again. Locking eyes with him, I told him I was in. “But… this… my life. Everything about it… it’s new Crescent. Okay? I might not have any ‘shit’, but I’m still adjusting. I was in that relationship for a very long time and?—”
“I understand. I’m capable of taking it slow. I’m cool with patience. I can give you that. I’m not trying to get married tomorrow. Or even ask for commitment right now, out the gate.I understand, Mo.”
He didn’t. He really didn’t understand. There was no way for him to. He hadn’t been in my shoes. He didn’t know what it was like to be with one person for more than half his life. He didn’t know what it meant to start completely over. He didn’t know the fear of starting something new, after being hurt countless times. But I believed he wanted to understand. I felt like he sympathized and had a certain amount of respect for me. And I believed him when he said he’d be patient. I believed himbecause as I rested on his chest, I felt his heart racing as strongly as mine. As we stared into each other's eyes, I felt fireworks and tingles shooting down my spine and for the first time since we reconnected, I felt like he felt it too. Something was in the air. As we connected, body-to-body, eye-to-eye, it was there. It was a knowing. Somewhat of a soft whisper from the universe… from God… telling me… telling us…that everything would be okay.
“Okay,” I softly said.
He leaned up and placed a soft, unrushed kiss on my lips. One that felt like reassurance and acceptance.
For the first time in a very long time, as I stared into his eyes, I felt like I was on the right path.
Finally.
DUKE
EPILOGUE
One year later
“Same time next week?” asked my therapist, Michael.
I nodded and slapped hands with him. “Same time next week.”
“Alright then. Take it easy on yourself, okay? You made some great progress today.”
I thanked him, grabbed my phone from the couch and headed out of his office.
I was in therapy. Once a week. Initially it was hard to sit on someone’s couch with the focus being me and my life. It took me a minute to open up to him. Three sessions. After he reminded me of the money I was wasting, I took a deep breath and told him why I was there. A broken heart. A broken heart caused by me and me alone. I was sitting with karma, suffering through it every day. Once I told him that, we went from there, starting from the beginning. I told him all about my childhood shit, about Mahogany and how we started. Told him about how I mishandled her and about how I thought God was punishing me because of it. Michael was a good dude, told me that wasn’t thecase, but I couldn’t escape that feeling. I carried it with me every day, even now, a whole ass year and a half after everything went down. Felt like it would haunt me for the rest of my life for real.
Before I got in the car, I called Aubry to let her know I was on my way back to the condo.
“Stop Sparkle! They her dolls!” She yelled, answering the phone. “Hey daddy.”
“What she doin?”
“Keep taking all the Barbie’s from Diary. I don’t know how she left hers at home. I might go over there and grab hers. The girl don’t know how to share. Spoiled butt.”
Sparkle was five and having a hard time adjusting to the fact that she wasn’t the baby anymore. Her and Diary got along for the most part, but when it came to sharing, she was horrible at it. Diary didn’t let her run over her though because her ass was horrible at sharing too. Every now and then I had to break up a little fight. It was bad, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. They got along more than they fought, that was for sure.
I laughed and shook my head. “I’m not too far from the crib.” I said, referring to Mahogany’s house. “I could stop by and grab?—”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll go get them,” she cut in, like she didn’t want me to go to the house.
I turned the corners of my mouth up and got into the car. Shit was a little weird. Shit wouldalwaysbe weird. Something in my spirit told me Mahogany was in a relationship and the nigga stayed at the crib. I didn’t think she would be spiteful like that and have a nigga around my kids without me knowing though. We had a mutual respect, but we’d never talked about what would happen when or if either of us started to date.
“Why not? Your momma got company or something?”
“No dad,” she said after sucking her teeth. “I’m just saying—ain’t no reason for you to go to the house. I need to grab my MacBook anyway. I don’t know how I forgot it.”
