I swallowed and looked up at him. “Thank you, Crescent.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Tonight. For giving me the opportunity to show you it’s safe.”
With pinched brows, I asked, “What’s safe?”
“You. Falling for me. It’s safe.”
I pulled my lips into my mouth, and my eyes began to water. Was it safe? WasIsafe? I felt safe. But what about my heart? What about my soul? Was it really okay to fall for him? Was it really okay for me to look beyond the fantasy? Could I really have something special? Could Emerald have been right? About Pandora’s? About that red string theory?
I was scared. Scared as hell. So scared that my heart beat against my chest. So scared that my hand gripping the menu trembled.I was safe. He said I was safe. What about when he got bored with me? What if he cheated? I was… thinking too far ahead. But was I really? Was it okay for me to see a future with him? I mean… it felt okay to. That was where we were headed right? In the direction of something serious. In the direction of something real. Outside of just fantasy. Heading in that direction was really scary and uncertain but was it a road I’d take anyway? Despite the fear?
“You can get used to this,” he continued, with his eyes steady locked on mine.“You can get used to us.”
I looked up to the ceiling, trying to contain my tears. In attempt to distract myself, I got lost in the light fixture andthe texture of the ceiling. It was nice. A little small for such a high ceiling. I would have gone up a couple sizes. But… they were nice. I wasn’t hating. Whoever designed the place did a phenomenal job—Couture just would have done better.
When I felt like my tears were controlled, I looked back down and caught his eyes again.
“You hear me?” He asked.
I nodded. “I hear you.”
I didn’t know if I should believe him. Or if I was actually safe or not but in the moment, I felt like I was. In the moment, everything felt just right.
“You thinkin,”he said, his deep voice cutting into the silence of the dark room.
I looked up at him, his beard tickling my forehead. “That’s what people do—think,” I said using words he used on me a while ago, back on him.
He caressed my arm. “You make me nervous when you think, though.”
“Why is that?” I asked, feigning ignorance.
“I don’t want you anywhere but here with me. In the now.”
“How do you know that’s not what I was doing? Being present. Enjoying the moment?”
“Because I know you.”
He was right.
I had been in my head. Lightyears away from where we were, stuck in the future.
After dinner, we ended up exactly where I knew we’d end up. At his house. We spent about an hour and a half at the restaurant, eating good, drinking good, having goodconversation. All the while, neither of us could stop blushing, giving each other flirtatious looks.
When he asked if I wanted to go check out another one of the properties he was working on, I politely declined, wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in for a kiss. We went from the restaurant, straight to his house where we didn’t waste any time undressing and getting to it. After going two much needed rounds, we collapsed in each other’s arms and laid on the middle of the living room floor, heavily panting, high as hell off sex.
Before I knew it, I was in my head, caught up in the what ifs. It was the uncertainty surrounding my future that got me. Things were looking up. I was in a good headspace. I was hopeful but this… this with Crescent it made me nervous. Goosebumps covering my skin, heart racing type of nervous. Damn near getting up running out of the house, nervous. But I stayed. Convinced myself that I deserved this. Told myself that it was okay to feel what I felt. He said I was safe. I was okay with taking the risk. I was okay with it because I was focused on living in the now. For so long, I worried about the future. Worrying about the future kept me in a nineteen-year relationship that was on a continuous downslope. Worrying about what I thought I could control left me in utter shock when life hit me with a curveball named Diary. There was nothing I could do about the future. So, why not cherish the moment? Why not live in the now and accept this for what it was? Solace. Contentment. Happiness. Safety. And while I wasn’t sure about how safe I would be in the long run, I felt safe now and that was all that mattered.
“I am here,” I said, reassuring him. “Now. At first, I wasn’t.”
“What do I have to do tokeepyou here?”
I propped my head up on the backs of my hands that were resting on his chest. “Nothing. That’s up to me to do.”
“I don’t want to look up one day and?—
