“No one would call me handsome now, Lizzy. I am grown too thin and pale.”
“Both of those can be remedied.” Elizabeth noticed that Georgiana held her fork but never once brought it to her mouth. “I do not like how little you eat this morning.”
“I have no appetite, and my chest hurts. But tell me more about the ball.”
“The most amusing part was when Mrs Baker thought herself obliged to run round the room after her drunken husband. His avoidance, and her pursuit, with the intoxication of both, was an amusing scene. She is as wide as she is tall, has a dyspeptic constitution, and makes everyone miserable with her irritable temper. Her daughter, Mrs Beverly, was mortified, I think.”
As little as she liked neighbourhood gossip, Elizabeth had rather not instead disclose the Collinses’ rudeness, nor Lydia’s gown, nor her mother’s reference to her new husband as “such a man.” Neither the colonel nor Mr Darcy were down yet, so she did not have to feel their knowing looks while she avoided all discussion of her family or her crippling paroxysms of heart pain.
I would also rather avoid Mr Darcy for as long as possible.
She had been startled awake last night, and then terrified when she realised who had opened her chamber door. She had resolved to lay entirely still, holding her breath until Mr Darcy assumed she was asleep, and desperately hoping that he would choose to not wake her. She had been frightened and not a little shocked that he would enforce a husband’s privilege.In the end, all he had done was feel for her pulse and then leave.
“Lizzy, how many partners did you have? Did you dance all night?”
Before she could answer, the gentlemen sat to breakfast, and she blushed to see Mr Darcy and know what he had done in the middle of the night. It was a caring gesture; she would not have expected her health to preoccupy Mr Darcy’s mind. The pain she felt during one of those heart paroxysms had left her spent, covered in coldperspiration, pale and weak. He must have noticed and feared for her.
“Would you rather hear about my partners?” Colonel Fitzwilliam replied quickly to spare her from answering. “I danced every set, and I remember the colour of every lady’s gown.”
“Yes, you must tell me everything! Didyouenjoy your evening, Fitzwilliam? I cannot imagine that you enjoyed the attention and well wishes of strangers, but with Lizzy’s company I am certain you were happy.”
Elizabeth had expected him to be a severe witness, and freely admit the misbehaviour of her family, but Mr Darcy surprised her and said only that, while he would have preferred a quiet evening at home, it was a tolerable evening.
Breakfast passed quickly, with the gentlemen eating heartily and Georgiana eating little.
“Lizzy,could we walk into the meadow today?”
Elizabeth looked up from where she was weeding the strawberry beds. Georgiana was sitting on a bench while Elizabeth talked of her nephews and the antics of little boys who were indulged by their aunt. “It is rather far, and you would have to climb the stile.”
“You said yourself that I had more energy, and I feel it today. I have not walked beyond that ring of trees in months.”
“Are you certain? For the past three days you have hardly eaten. I do not see how you have the energy to walk beyond this garden.”
“Please? I would also like to talk with you away from the house. And I would like to hear the birds by the meadow.”
Elizabeth rose and lent her new sister her arm. Georgiana’s pale skin contrasted against pink cheeks glowing with exertion, but she smiled happily when she finally descended the stile and sat on the step. She now seemed reluctant to speak, and Elizabeth filled the void.
“This meadow used to be pasture and grazed in the summer when someone lived at the great house. It would be good to have a family settled at Netherfield. I am certain it would not affect our lease. In any event, the haymaking will begin before long.”
“I doubt I will see it.”
“You? Georgiana, you will certainly!” She doubtedshewould see the meadow mown, but this was not the time to hint that her heart was weak and distress Georgiana’s spirits on a day when she had so much strength.
“When my time comes, I am ready for it,” she said firmly. “I have been ill and in pain for so long that I will welcome a release.”
“Your brother and I are not ready to release you, so you had best reconcile yourself to my improving your health and energy.”
“I am sweating more at night, I feel like I am losing a pound a week, and I am paler than my gowns. I have hidden it from Fitzwilliam as much as I can, but I will not be able to hide it from you: I am coughing up more blood. I have had periods of improvement before, but this current burst of energy will not last.”
Elizabeth grasped Georgiana’s hand, not liking the cool composure in her voice. “Of course it can last! If you had remission in the past, then you could have another. I can understand why your depressed spirits make that difficult to see. You have lost so much, but?—”
“I want to see my child.” She was struck by the intensity in her tone. Georgiana looked so young, and Elizabeth forced herself to remember that she had been a mother. “I never got to hold him. I am in constant pain, and I will never be cured. But I want my brother to be happy. I fear Fitzwilliam will never overcome his anger at himself in allowing me to be seduced, or his regret in not wanting me to keep my child. Promise me that you will not let my brother blame himself or mourn me too long or wish for vengeance against my seducer.”
Tears pricked Elizabeth’s eyes. “Georgiana, you will survive me. Most people with consumption linger for years.”
“Do not let Fitzwilliam blame himself. He did more for me than my parents would have asked of him. Promise me?” Georgiana clutched her hand hard. “He has you to love now, and I need not worry that he will be lonely after I am dead.”
“You will outlive me, but I promise to ... to care for your brother as long as I am alive.” This was not the time to say that civility and loyalty were all she and Mr Darcy were prepared to grant one another. “Now, I will not have you waste your energy crying or on this useless talk of you dying soon.”
