“Yes, I want kids.”
Of course, he does. He’s great with them. I can’t help the sad smile I’m sure is on my face right now, even if I wanted to fake it.
“But that doesn’t mean I want or need a biological child or a baby.”
What?
“If you heard what I told Bella, then you know. I really, really likeyou—everything about you, including your kids. I know they’re not mine, I know I’m not their father, and I would never want to pretend to be. But I will show you I can love them just as much as if theyweremy own. I want kids, Natalie, but I want to be a part ofyourkids’ lives. I wantthem.”
The freaking tears won’t stop flowing now.
“Say something,” he says, so scared, so tender, so vulnerable. I do the opposite and just rest my head on his chest. “This wastoo much too fast, huh? I told you, I don’t really know how to do this.”
“It wasn’t you,” I finally say. He needs to know he’s perfect, and I’m just…scared. “Ipushed you away because of a lot of things, but mostly, well, because I’m scared. But you didn’t deserve that. I’m an emotional mess, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Nat—”
“All I’m saying is,” I interrupt, “I'm sorry for pushing you away. Thank you for tonight and for not staying away, even when that’s what it looked like I wanted.”
He tightens his hold around me, breathing me in. “Just talk to me, okay? Not all at once, not now, just whenever things arise. We’re in this together, and I’m not going anywhere.”
43
BRAND ME
Set The Mood Prelude/Until The End Of Times by Justin Timberlake
Natalie
Holden has beenat the shop all day with me. It all started with him supposedly keeping me company, but it ended with him helping to stock all the shelves and fix a few things on my now almost non-existent list.
Yesterday was one of those days when everything in my life seemed to have a good pace, even if it wasn’t theperfectday. The girls lost last night. This one, they took hard; they were winning most of the game, but the last period was atrocious for them. You win some, you lose some. Pizza after the game, I think, will be our new routine.
Vero spent the entire time talking to Holden. That girl hates talking, so the fact that she wants to use words with him is incredible. Her therapist says it’s so hard for her mouth to catch up with her brain; it makes her not want to use her energyspeaking. She’s intentional and picky about when and who she speaks to, but she chose him. That has to be good, right?
We went home after Bella invited Holden to watch a movie, except the movie ended up watching her. She was exhausted, and I don’t blame her. A full day at school, then the game. She seems happier, though, and I love how much she laughs when she’s around Holden. It makes me feel like this could be a good thing for all of us.
“Let me help with that,” Holden says, placing a hand on my lower back and reaching up to the high shelf, putting the binder back. It’s been a long day, but we got everything done, and now, I just want to go home, take a shower, and crash in bed. Livie’s watching the girls today. She got her period this month, and she asked to spend time aroundthe only things that are good in the world. My girls love her, so I said yes, even though putting a Band-Aid over what’s happening won’t make her happy. I know it all too well.
His hands grab my hips, spinning me in place. “Oh, hello.” My hands rest on his chest as he lowers his lips to meet mine.
“Hello, Beauty.” His words caress my lips, as if they were a question I only know the answer to. The kiss starts softly, as it always does with us, as if my lips were as tender as petals and he was afraid to bruise them.
His expert tongue asks for entrance, and once my lips part, granting it access, it’s technicolor flashes behind my eyes. My hands hold his face, the stubble brushing against my fingertips, taking me back to our first night together, reminding me exactly how he felt between my legs.
Holden pulls me flush to him, groans, and soft moans fill the small storage closet. I bite his lower lip in the way that makes him groan. Just like clockwork, he does, the sound reverberating through me, awakening my body as if I was listening to my favorite song.
His erection presses against my thigh, and the realization that I want this man to fuck me right here is staggering. But I do. I want him, and I want him now. I roll my hips, letting my body do the talking, and when he realizes what I want, he stops kissing me, searching my eyes for confirmation.
“What do you want, Natalie? Hm?”
“You know what I want,” I say, my voice breathy and full of desire.
He shakes his head. “Use your words, Beauty.”
I drag my lower lip between my teeth as my chest heaves with desire, channeling my inner confidence so I can speak. I trust him with everything I have. I should trust him with my wants too.
“I want you to make me come.”
