“I have no use for it now.” He smiled, but it seemed forced. “And to be quite honest, I knew you would never send it.”
“How could you have known that?” I laughed in disbelief.
He grinned. “You wanted it for yourself.”
I shook my head with a scoff. “I most certainly did not.”
“Surely you have inserted your own name in the address and read it to yourself each night, hoping and praying that I fall in love with you.”
I gasped, and my face caught fire. “You are being ridiculous. I thought we had agreed that it wasIwho didn’t love you. You, on the other hand, could be very much in love with me.” I was surprised at my own words.
James shrugged, taking a step closer. “Then your dearest wish will have come true.”
There was no possible way to turn the joke on him. He was too quick.
I sighed in frustration. “Well, if you don’t believe I ever intended to send the letter to Lucy, then I will just return home right now and dispose of it. Would that be sufficient to prove you wrong?”
He hesitated. “No.”
“And why not?”
He smiled in a teasing way, taking yet another step forward. I was leaning against the window now, and found that there was nowhere else to go. James put his hand against the glass, just above my shoulder. “Perhaps the pain of unrequited love was simply too much to bear, so you destroyed the letter in a fit of heartache.”
“You must not know me at all.” I found breathing incredibly difficult, and my heart raced. “I would never throw a fit over something as trivial as love.”
He drew a breath, the teasing smile fading slightly from his lips. “You must have never been in love if you think it’s trivial.”
I tried to swallow, but my throat was too dry. James had obviously been in love before. He had once written his heart into that love letter. Little did he know the most dangerous thing of all would be for me to keep it.
I didn’t know how to respond, so I remained silent, stricken by his words and his closeness.
Thankfully, he dropped his hand and took a step back. I had no experience with love, but what I was feeling now, looking into his eyes, was certainly new. I didn’t know if I believed in it, but if anyone was capable of proving me wrong, it was James. I was in danger. Falling in love with him would be far too easy. And love was a hinderance, a weakness, and I couldn’t afford it.
“Who is she?” The question fell from my lips unexpectedly.
James frowned in confusion.
“The woman you wrote the letter for?” I hadn’t known I had these questions, but now that I was speaking them, they all came spilling out. I tried not to look at his face, for fear I was offending him. I remembered what he had said before, that she had married a man with a large fortune. Had she truly loved him at all? Or had she just chosen to be sensible?
James rubbed the back of his neck, dropping his gaze to the floor. “I’m afraid I must postpone that story for another day.” He pulled out his pocket watch and his expression turned rueful. “I must be getting back to the docks.” He snapped the watch shut with a bow, suddenly reserved and proper. Why did he always do that? “Thank you for agreeing to meet me.”
“You’re leaving?” I asked.
“Yes. I must be going.” He gave another obviously forced smile. “Good day, Charlotte.”
He turned to leave. Without thinking, I reached out and stopped him, gripping his arm. He froze. His jaw was firm as he looked back at my face. I dropped my grasp. “I-I wish to thank you.”
He shook his arm, as if my touch had disgusted him. I stepped back, embarrassed.
“You’re welcome.” He flashed a quick smile, then turned for the last time before leaving the room. “Good day, Charlotte.”
I listened as the butler shut the main doors behind him. My cheeks burned yet again, but this time in shame.
What had I done wrong? Had I spoken too freely?
I stared at the door, wondering why his rejection stung so badly. I looked down at my hands, my stomach sinking at the sight of my bandages. Sometimes I forgot how much I had changed. I must have mistaken any attraction between us. He had seemed quite eager to escape me.
I crossed my arms and sat down on the settee, my stomach still coiling into one great knot. It would be best if I didn’t see James Wortham for a very long time.
