“Ew.”
I can practically hear her eyes rolling.
“What I meant was that it includes everything and everyone who is important to her and who is a part of her. Her store, her house, her kids, and yes, your father too. I told you very clearly I want you all to talk as little or as much about him as you want.”
I would give money I don’t have to look at Bella’s face right now. I want to know what she’s thinking or feeling, but what if I walk out there, and it stops this conversation that feels like it needs to happen?
“I would never try to replace your dad. Quite the contrary, actually. I want to honor his memory. I want to get to know him through you girls, but all at the right time. You know how I tell the team that not everything happens right away? How, sometimes, you have to be patient and work hard for something?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Well, I can do both. I can be as patient as you all need me to be and work hard to earn not only her trust and love, but all three of yours. When the time is right.”
There’s a pause, and I consider going in. I can almost picture it: me wiping my tears, joining them, all of us hugging.
Then, Bella speaks, “He would have liked you, you know?”
“Who?” he asks in confusion.
“Dad. He would have liked you in general, but I know if he knew he couldn’t be here for Mom, for us, he would have liked you to be.”
“Well, Bella, that’s the best thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“Sure, sure."
Her steps echo, and I turn, immediately wiping my tears to cover up the fact that I listened to what could possibly be the best conversation any prospective…what? Boyfriend? Partner? Could have with my kid.
“So that was me telling you you’re on the right track. Keep it up. Your food is alright too, I guess.” She skips out of the kitchen, running into me. “Oh, hey, Mom.”
“Hi,” I whisper, opening my arms for a hug.
“A quick one. It’s time for a shower and bed,” she mutters.
I kiss the top of her head, squeezing her tighter one last time. There’s always time for one more. One more kiss, one more hug, one more goodbye, because one day, there won’t be another one. “I love you. Don’t stay up too late reading, okay?”
“Yes, Mom. I love you too.” Bella disappears behind me as I walk up to the kitchen to find a misty-eyed Holden.
“How much of that did you hear?” This man has spidey senses, I swear.
“From pizza on Friday and on. Thanks for doing the dishes, by the way.”
“No need to thank me.” He sighs defeated. “Did I overstep? I know we haven’t had any serious conversations about what any of this is, but I didn’t want to lie to her.”
I close the space between us, my smile growing with each step, before I wrap my arms around him and peer up at his eyes. “It was perfect. Thank you for not lying to her. She doesn’t take it kindly, and neither do I.”
“I don’t have kids, so I stay away from judging how others parent their own, but I don’t think adults should flat-out lie to kids. They’re supposed to trust us, you know?”
I nod in agreement, resting my head on his chest. “You’re good with kids.”
“Tell that to my friends. They think I’m a curmudgeon.”
I want to tell him I would love to meet his friends and tell them exactly that to their faces. But there’s another question I want to ask, and I fear if I tell him I want to meet his friends, I won’t have the chance to.
“What’s wrong?” he searches my eyes, softening his expression that says,“Talk to me,”just as he says the words.
“Do you want kids?” This catches him by surprise. “I know we talked about this once briefly, but I really need you to think long and hard and answer me. Before we take this any further, before I let my kids fall in love with you, even though we both know they’re already on the way there. I just want to know before our lives tangle anymore. Do you want kids someday?”
He’s the one biting his lower lip now, smoothing his hand up and down my back, considering my question. I’m glad he doesn’t answer right away. I’m glad he takes the time to give me an actual, honest answer instead of an excuse or what he thinks I want to hear.
