Did I want this strange conglomeration of men? All of them… together…?
It seemed a bit much. Greedy. Selfish.
And yet, it also felt really damned good. I liked being… part of a group. No, not just a group… a family. That’s what this felt like. Sure, we were messed up, but most families were messed up, weren’t they? I’d never had anything I could call a permanent family growing up. And it didn’t matter that we weren’t blood, this was a found family, we wanted to be close, which felt even more significant.
Though, it also felt weird to call them family. Thinking of them like brothers was kind of gross, even if I wanted that easy familiarity with them. With a brother, you could be close, but without any expectations. Was that asking too much?
Because… I wasn’t sure I wanted fourhusbands?
The dreaded “H” word.
Could I even do that? Was polyandry a thing in this world? I’d have to ask someone, maybe Zora, or Lhorine, or… no, not my grandmother.
And if itwasa thing, would the guys be okay with that? They… probably would be.
Okay… wow… what a thought: four sexy, giving husbands passing me around or… sharing me… at the same time…
I was suddenly way too hot under these blankets. Though I was cooled somewhat by the fact that several of my potential hubbies needed to figure their shit out before anything happened.
But still, a part of me wanted a close-knit little tribe so badly it hurt. I hadn’t considered any of my foster homes “a family” because I’d known nothing was permanent. People got taken away, they left me or I left them. Nothing lasted.
And as much as I wanted these guys to be my family, I was terrified they’d get taken away from me. If I let them in, they’d become a weak spot, something for others to target if they wanted to hurt me. It had already happened with Myel. Withallthe guys, I’d just be making myself even more vulnerable, wouldn’t I?
Because, if there was one lesson I’d learned on earth — that had been reinforced here in Seial — it was that nothing good ever stuck around for long.
IZZY
Okay,now I really needed someone to talk to.
I rolled back over.
Koar stood beside the bed, attentive, and looked down at me as I shifted.
“Can’t sleep?”
I nodded.
“Can we… talk?”
He raised a brow as a secret little smile creased his hard features.
“Always.”
I shimmied till I was sitting up in bed again, and he sat on the edge of the mattress, one leg hitched up to turn toward me.
“What’s up?” he asked.
I blew out a long breath. Then I looked over at Myel’s sleeping form and out at Rook dozing in the sitting area. I reached out to both of them. The bond with Myel was still, calm. That was… unusual. I’d have thought after everything we’d been through it would be desperate for us to be together. Not only had we been away from each other for a couple days now, but we’d both been through hell and back. My best guess as to why it wasn’t acting up was that Myel was out cold and thus sex wasn’t an option. If so, when he woke, we’d probably need to fuck like bunnies. Still, my connection to him was strong and I could tell he’d be resting for a while. I had time to talk… and he’d not hear it.
Then I reached out to Rook. I didn’t really know how our mental connection worked, but I tried to think really hard at him, nothing specific, just wanting to connect with his thoughts. I didn’t even know if it would be possible to sense his thoughts, or if all we could do was communicate. But I did catch a glimpse of something… a flash of an image: a small cozy cottage with a fire going in the hearth and a woman humming as she worked preparing a meal. That was it.
Huh…
I had no clue what I’d seen, but I hoped it meant Rook was in the middle of a pleasant dream and wouldn’t wake any time soon.
Good.
I turned back to Koar.
