So, perhaps it required a different perspective.
Did I want him in my life?
As a fuckbuddy he was… sinfully good. Just thinking about our times together made my stomach bottom out, my toes curl, and heat bloom in my core. He consistently delivered top-tier orgasms and as a woman who had sexual needs, I did not want to give that up. Sure… I got stunningly great orgasms from Myel and Vyns, but Rook’s were… indescribable. It must be a sex-demon thing.
As a friend, he’d been there for me when no one else was. He’d been kind and giving and a soft place to land… but then he’d gone cold for no reason, and I couldn’t handle that drama.
He wasn’t long-term relationship material. Friends with benefits, maybe, if he got his act together, but anything more?
Hell, it was men like him who’d put me off long-term relationships to begin with. I didn’t get involved because thesex might be great, but then the guys turned… weird: clingy or distant or something.
So…
Maybe…
If he got his act together…
And stopped all the drama…
And was as consistent with his friendship as he was with his orgasms…
Thenmaybe, I could let him back in.
But then… what if he wanted to talk to tell me he was all in, that he’d meant it when he said he loved me?
Fuck.
It was too much of a change too quickly. I had no clue what to do with that. Maybe if we went back to fuckbuddies for a while he could worm his way into my heart? A few of his incredible orgasms and I might reconsider everything.
Let’s hope that’s what he wanted.
Then… there was Vyns…
He was the easy one, sort of. He’d started out all unsure and clingy, but all that had changed of late. He’d been a rock when I’d been imprisoned and I honestly didn’t know if I’d have made it through that rough time without his support.
He gave me everything I wanted and everything I needed. Hell, he’d literally given me everything he had to help me win the fight with Saldrea. The man was a literal angel, why wouldn’t I want him in my life?
And yet… could I give him whatheneeded?
He seemed to think so. But since the “L” word wasn’t in my vocabulary, could I love him the way he deserved, with the same intensity he loved me?
I wasn’t sure.
I appreciated the hell out of him and I couldn’t imagine a life without him… but was that love?
Curiously… I wasn’t really worried about things with Vyns. He had never put me off, never questioned our relationship. He’d always been a gentleman and a giving lover. I didn’t feel anypressurefrom him. And I very much appreciated that.
I could let things with Vyns play out, and we’d be fine.
So… that seemed settled.
Right?
Right.
Which brought me back to Koar.
Actually no… before I had my conversation with the dragon… I needed to figure out whatIreally wanted, not in relation to the guys individually, but in general.
