Mrow.
“My guy, or girl, you can’t be climbing trees like that if you don’t know how to get down.” I chastise the cat, wiping my hands off on my shorts to get ready to climb up the tree after it. I can’t just leave a poor kitty helpless like this, that’s not who I am.
I get a third of the way up the tall oak before I remember that I’m terrified of heights. Like, during gym class when we had to climb the rope, I would shake the entire time and keep my eyes closed. Shit. But I really can’t just leave this cat, man. I have to be brave, for the kitten.
“I hope you appreciate this, kitty. And learn your lesson.” I huff, continuing my climb.
I’ve got to be like a hundred feet in the air at this point, but I won’t look down. Okay, we both know that a hundred feet is an exaggeration. But it doesn’t matter how far up I really am, because either way my feet are not on solid ground. Oh God, what if I step on a branch and it snaps under my weight? I’m not a small dude. I’ve got muscle. Like lots of it. Not to brag.
The kitten is about halfway up the oak tree, and I’m slowly reaching it, but with each inch up, my body shakes harder.
Mrow.
The kitten’s mewls are closer now. Another branch up and I’ll be able to reach it.
I heft my foot up higher, pulling my weight up to rest on the next branch. Steadying myself on it, I take a deep breath. Almost done. You’ve got this, Kip.
My arm shakes as I let go of the branch to reach towards the kitten.
Crrraaccckkkk.
Oh, fuck.
You know how they say that before you die you see your life flash before your eyes? Well, that’s not what’s happening here. All I see is the branches of the tree rushing past me at breakneck speed as I fall backwards, the branch I was standing on having divorced itself from the tree trunk. I’m definitely going to break something when I hit the ground. There’s nothing I can do at this point. But hey, at least I’ve got the kitten tucked in my arms safely. I’ll land on my back, and hopefully not die, and the kitten will be saved. Well worth it?
Chapter Two
Kip
Introducing Nacho!
My eyes flutter, sunlight piercing through my lids.
Mrow.
The kitten wiggles in my arms, meowing non-stop.
I groan, letting my eyes open fully to peek down at the little grey striped creature. Huh…I somehow made it to the ground from all the way up in that tree…unharmed? Nothing hurts, at least not excruciatingly. My neck is a bit achey, and my right leg is too, but not as much as it should after a tumble from a forty foot tree. That can’t be right. Either I’m insanely lucky, or I’m dead. Maybe I’m a ghost? Do ghosts feel pain?
It’s then that I notice my neck is jutting to the side at an odd angle. I don’t think it’s supposed to do that, but I’m no anesthesiologist. Wait, is that the right kind of doctor? One who does bones and shit? Anyway, you know what I mean.
I move my neck, testing it, and as I right my head my neck cracks and pops. My neck straightens, and as it does it makes a creaking and snapping sound, and I feel my neck and head settle back into place. It’s almost like when you dislocate a shoulder, and you gotta pop it back in? But with my neck.
Yikes. My right leg is bent at the knee sideways. Okay, so I definitely broke some shit during my fall, but the wounds don’t hurt like they should? Am I in shock? That’s a thing, right?
Moving my leg, it snaps, crackles, and pops before it settles into its normal place.
“Hey, buddy! You alright?” The shadow of a dude falls over me, blocking out the sun.
“Uhhh…yeah, I think I’m good?” Definitely not a ghost then, unless this guy is a ghost whisperer.
“I watched you fall, man. How are you not hurt? Are you sure you’re okay?”
I sit up slowly, keeping the kitten cradled in one arm while I push myself up with the other. “Yeah, I feel fine…I must be super lucky.”
“Jesus, man. I thought for sure when I saw your neck bent like that you’d be dead. I’ve never seen a neck at a ninety degree angle to the side like that. It was practically touching your shoulder.”
“My bones must be super flexible, man. I don’t know. At least this little dude or dudette is safe.” I sit up, still holding the purring kitten. I lift it up, looking at its stomach to see what kind of junk it’s got going on downstairs. “Dude. Definitely a dude.” Swinging the cat around, I show the stranger the kitten’s dong.
