Chapter One
Kip
Birthday Suit
I wish I could say that this is the first time that I’ve woken up in an unfamiliar place naked but…that would be a lie. This isn’t even the second time this has happened to me. Though, looking around at my surroundings, I’d say this is probably the most embarrassing out of all those times.
People pass by the alleyway I’m slumped in, some looking at me as they pass with gasps. I’d like to think the gasps aren’t in shock or disgust, but from seeing my toned, completely nude, bod sprawled out on the pavement. I work hard on my body, thank you. I know I look good.
Shit, I should probably get up and cover myself with something, huh? I do not need to be arrested for public indecency…again.
“Sorry!” I call out, cupping my junk as a group of older ladies pass by.
Damn, dude. What happened last night? And where are my clothes?
Ah! There they are, crumpled further back in the alleyway. I’ll never know why I take my clothes off when getting drunk. It happens nearly every time. It’s honestly a bad habit. But drunk Kip doesn’t listen to logic. What can I say, drunk Kip loves being nude and free.
And damnit, my shirt is ripped down the middle and covered in a mysterious red stain. Man, that was my favorite cropped tank too. It made my abs look amazing. What a bummer. I pull on the remnants of the shirt. It kind of looks like a vest now, and it’s not a bad look, you know, if it wasn’t stained.
My shorts are intact, not a smudge of dirt or any stains in sight. I’lltake that as a win. And I’m pretty sure I was free-balling last night, so no need to search for any briefs. Luckily, my shoes were still on when I woke up. At least I was smart enough to not walk around the city barefoot. What a way to ruin a fresh pedicure.
Sheesh, dude. It’s hella bright out this morning. I squint my eyes as I step out of the alleyway, considerably less nude than I was a few minutes ago. Has the world always been this bright? Because damn.
My body aches as I walk towards the direction I think my apartment is. I’m damn glad I have the day off today, because trying to work out and train with people today would not be great. I’m shaky and sweaty, and in desperate need of some electrolytes.
I hope my buddy, Tyson, made it home okay. We went out together last night, but I don’t remember much of anything after the first club we hit up.
Kip: Tys, u make it home ok? I woke up in my buff in an alley dude.
I’m finally in familiar territory, about halfway home, when the urge to vomit rises. This is not going to be pretty. Sorry for the show, people. Honestly, they should be used to seeing people puking on the street on a Sunday morning. Especially in this area filled with bars and nightclubs. If you didn’t want your kids seeing a grown ass man puking into a trashcan, you shouldn’t bring them here.
Tyson: hahahahahahahahaha
Tyson: classic, bro. Yuh, i’m good. We got schwasted last nite
Kip: no shit. how come i end up naked every time i go out with you
Tyson: don’t blame me, dog. u do it after i leave.
I always end up getting black out when hanging with Tyson. Never remember a damn thing, and wake up the next day airing out my goodies. I guess I really only ever go out with Tys, so maybe it’s not a him thing, but a me thing.
Maybe I should join a nudest colony. A sexy nudist colony. With hot babes and buff men.
Tyson has been my ride or die for the last few years. We met one night at a bar, hit it off, and have been best buds ever since. We share an apartment, hang out all the time, and we even work together at personal trainers at Pump Palace.
Mrowwww.
The soft sound of a kitten crying from nearby makes me stop in my tracks.
Mrrrrrooowwww.
It keens, like it’s calling out to me.
“Where are you, kitty-kitty?” I’m stooping down, looking under a bush, and then pulling lids off trashcans to look inside. No signs of the cat.
Mrrrrrrowwwwwwww.
I gasp. “Kitty, what are you doing up there?” I call up, tilting my head all the way back in order to see a little gray tabby kitten clinging onto a high up tree branch for dear life.
