Every step to my bag is harder than the one before it, my legs weighed down with the realization of what I have to do. I stare at the front pocket of the bag where I tucked Calvin’s letter.
This is it.
This is the moment where the last new thing he will ever say to me is gone.
Everything from here on out will be in the past tense. Until now, I have clung to this letter as a way to keep him in the present and the future. Calvin still had things to say to me.
My hands are shaking as I smooth it onto the bedspread in front of me.
A sob bursts from my throat as I see the familiar handwriting.
My sweet Onion,
This fucking sucks.
I mean, I didn’t think dying would be pleasant, but this is worse than I thought it would be. Maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible if I had them by my side, but if I did, I wouldn’t be in this situation, would I?
The hardest part is seeing how much this hurts you. Mom and the dads, too, of course, but you’re so young. You have so much life left, and I’m not going to be there to see you live it. And that blows.
If I know you, and I do, because you’re the other half of my soul, you’re no longer sixteen. If I had to guess, I’d say you’re nineteen? Twenty? I’m sure it took you some time to heal enough to be able to handle a letter from me. I hope you’re reading this before it’s too late. Before you miss your shot at happiness.
Meeting my pack was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I can say that, because I’m about to die, and nothing else is going to happen to me, so the votes have been tallied. I had a few incredible years with them. They loved me so much, so fiercely, that I forgot I ever once felt rejected.
All of those moments where I felt like I wasn’t enough went away the first time we kissed. I knew. I knew when I saw themacross the room that they were mine. I didn’t have to catch their scent to tell me. My heart recognized theirs.
It wasn’t easy. Even true love has its struggles. The Beast may have turned into a man, but he still doesn’t have table manners. Even though we got into stupid arguments sometimes, and we had our struggles, there was honestly nothing that we couldn’t work through when we were in each other’s arms.
I know you think being an Omega sucks. I know that you’re probably going to resent it, and maybe even me, because if I weren’t an Omega, I’d still be alive right now. And you’re not wrong to be upset. I’m sure seeing me like this has tainted your view of our designation. But I don’t want your fear and anger to force you to forget all of the wonderful, beautiful things that have happened to me over my life because of my designation.
Look. I’m not going to tell you what to do, because there’s no way I’ll know, anyway. But if you could indulge me one more time and let me impart some brotherly wisdom to you, I’d appreciate it. Call it a dying man’s last wish. (Did you laugh at that? Has enough time passed?)
Do not run away from love because of me. The idea that you’d give up on such a beautiful, fundamental joy of being human because of what is happening to me hurts. I don’t want to be thereason why you don’t take risks. I don’t want to be your excuse for hiding. I don’t want to be the ghost that haunts your footsteps.
I want to be the reason why you take a chance on something. I want to be the reason why you follow your heart. I want to be the reason why you trust yourself enough to fall in love.
Please? Don’t let this be my legacy. Don’t let my dying be the most memorable thing about me. Remember me as the man who loved his Alphas so much that he would, and did, follow them into another life.
I love you, Ariana. I will always be with you.
Calvin
PS. Please forgive me.
Chapter Twelve
The TV has gone idle,the screen taken up only by the show’s logo.
That call was … intense.
Grant is squeezing my hand so hard it hurts, and Ivan has buried his face in his hands.
I don’t think Onion was the only one who needed this. I think we all did. Like it or not, all of our relationships, with her and each other, are going to change.
Gone are the days of us crowding on the couch and texting her together, coming up with responses as a group. Sure, we all had times where it was just us and Onion, but for some of the tougher things, we all weighed in.
Kind of like how we do when we need to come up with a solution to something that affects the pack. She just didn’t know she was already a part of ours.
“Do you think that was the right thing to do?” Ivan’s voice is filled with an unusual amount of hesitation. This phone call was his idea. I was surprised the producers went for it.
