“We want to be Rosalie’s parents,” Adam added. “We want to give her a great life. It’s our intention to marry one day.”
Aw. I loved hearing that, even if I wasn’t sure if Adam was just trying to get us out of this mess.
“Yourintentionto marry?” Ms. Nelson wrote that down too. “It would be easier if youweremarried. The stability of marriage for children might be prioritized over a single-parent household.”
This was a slow, painful death. Dread was slowly choking me like twining vines wrapping around my throat. I had to know thetruth. “Ms. Nelson, are you going to recommend me to be Rosie’s parent?”
She sniffed and kept her head in her notebook. “I have reservations.”
Adam stood. “Anyone can see that the baby lights up when Ani enters the room. And Ani loves this baby more than anything in the world. I give you my word that she’s an amazing mother.”
I shot him my most grateful look.
Arnie stopped pacing and sat forlornly, now whimpering. This awful interview was stressing everyone out. I leaned over and clapped my hands lightly, and he finally came over and let me love him up.
“That may all be true, Dr. Lowenstein,” Ms. Nelson said, finally looking up from her binder, “but there is evidence of a tendency toward impulsivity that might possibly be interpreted as uncommitted.”
“There’s no one more committed to this child, Ms. Nelson,” he said in a firm tone.
I could tell his calm demeanor was finally cracking. “What would help my case?” I asked.
“Stability. Commitment. Marriage.”
Adam’s head suddenly jerked up. “I care very deeply for Ani.”
This woman was practically doing bloodletting. Where were the leeches?
“That’s a lovely sentiment, Dr. Lowenstein, but unfortunately, sentiments don’t move judges.”
“We want to give Rosalie a stable home and a great life, Ms. Nelson.” He paused for a long time. “That’s why we want you to know that wearegetting married.” He turned to me. “Tell her, Ani.”
Chapter Eighteen
Adam
Ani blinked. She stared wide-eyed at me, in that way that someone looks at you when they don’t comprehend a single word you’ve said. “You want to marry me?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
My stomach churned sickly. This was definitelynothow I envisioned asking anyone to marry me. But I’d been backed against a wall, and I could not allow Ani to lose Rosie. I rubbed my neck, getting up the courage to look Ani in the eye. “Yes.” My voice sounded deadly calm and serious—not excited or jubilant. I cleared my throat and tried for better. “I’m committed to both of you.”
Ani suddenly began to cry. I mean, big, giant sobs. At first, I didn’t understand what was going on until I saw that she really was overwhelmed. I got it—the possibility of losing the baby was overwhelming me too. She ran over and threw her arms around me, clinging on so tightly that I had trouble taking a breath. “I love you!”
My heart sank as she kept sobbing. She was not acting. I held her, but I couldn’t think. My life had been a whirlwind these past few months. I’d become a completely different person because of her, for the better, but this…
So far, I’d been riding the wave of each day, showing up, learning, cruising along. But what I’d just done…this was a blind leap off a cliff the height of Everest, and I was free-falling without a safety net.
Help.
My heart was pounding so loudly and fast that I felt faint, and a trickle of sweat slowly snaked its way down my back. In the moment, I’d gone overboard. Went into savior mode. Said anything to get Ani what she wanted most, the ability to mother Rosalie, and Rosalie the chance to have the mother who loved her unconditionally. Which I knew with all my heart that both of them completely deserved.
But what didIwant? From day one, I’d been swept up onto this wild rollercoaster ride that was Ani.. But I hadn’t even saidI love youyet. All throughout these extraordinary circumstances, I’d shown up for everything, day or night, and had loved every minute. But was I ready for marriage?Now?
My skin felt clammy, and my throat became so dry that it felt clogged with a bunch of straw.
Ani pulled back and searched my eyes. “You look a little pale. Are you okay?”
“Of course.” I was aware that our friendly caseworker was witnessing all of this. I tried to talk myself down, think positively.
I’d just been getting my bearings. I’d come a long way, but I wasn’tready.But what choice did I have?
