She was baiting me, no doubt about it. But I stuck to stating the facts. “Dylan and I dated for several years in college.” I omitted the fact that we’d eloped in Vegas.
“And you divorced because…”
“We were young. We wanted different things.” Did this have anything to do with who I was now? I almost protested, but Ididn’t want to appear angry or emotional. I just wanted to get through these ghastly questions.
“And the man you almost married last year—Tyler Banks. What happened there?”
“These are very personal questions,” Adam said. “I think the important thing there is that Ani avoided making a mistake. It’s really irrelevant to fostering Rosalie.”
“I’m simply looking for patterns of impulsivity and instability,” Ms. Nelson said, turing her sights on Adam. “What is your relationship to Dr. Green and the baby, Dr. Lowenstein?”
“We’re dating,” Adam said simply.
“I see.” She wrote that down. “For how long?”
“Since we met last summer.” I knew immediately why he said that—to make it seem longer than it was. We’d really only been dating for less than four months. But I had no doubt in my mind that Adam was my forever person. I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else, and I’d never wavered in that certainty.
“So you began dating right after the canceled wedding?” She looked above her glasses at Adam. “Wereyouthe reason for the cancelled wedding, Dr. Lowenstein?”
“No!” I said a little excitedly.Oh no. I was messing this up, letting my nerves show. I immediately forced a calmer tone. “What he means is that we met last summer, and we became friends. Andthenwe started dating.”
I caught Adam’s eye across the coffee table. There was no winning here, and I felt the doom sink like a rock tied to my feet.
“So you began dating amid the chaos of caring for a newborn?”
“We love the chaos.” Adam calmly draped his arm across the couch. He seemed very relaxed—and truthful. I loved him for the effort. “I’m very committed to Ani and the baby.”
“And what exactly is your role to the baby, Dr. Lowenstein?”
“I love Rosalie,” he said. “I help care for her.”
“Do you live here?”
“My house is a block away. Ani and I tag team watching Rosie around our schedules.”
“I see. Well, it’s one thing to foster,” Ms. Nelson said, “but another entirely to adopt. And I must say, as a single woman with a demanding job, men who could potentially drift in and out of the baby’s life, a series of impulsive decisions made on a whim…”
“Wait—there are nomen,” I said. “There’s one man—Adam.”
“…who is actively involved in her care, and whom you date, Dr Green. Who may or may not continue to be involved in the baby’s life. It seems to me that there are a lot of transient relationships here. A failed relationship that nearly led to marriage, followed by an impulsive decision to adopt a baby that you were basically handed in the delivery room, followed by another relationship where you, Dr. Lowenstein, have become a primary caregiver in a very short time. Plus, both of you are physicians with demanding schedules.”
My entire body went cold. I started to shake so uncontrollably that I had to sit on my hands to stop. Even worse, Arnold left his post and began pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. And then let out an aggravated bark.
“You’re looking at my life on paper, Ms. Nelson.” I tried not to plead, but I had to make my case. “I have a great job, a caring family and friends, and a home. Loving relatives care for Rosalie when I’m at work, like many other people who work with children. Most importantly of all, I love this little baby with all my heart.”
“Ani felt passionately about Rosalie from the beginning,” Adam said. “She knew that she could make a difference. That’s not impulsive—it’s proactive. I’m committed to Ani and Rosalie,” he said. “I love them both. While our relationship isnew, I’m deeply committed. Ani is a great mother. I can vouch for her emotional stability.”
Ms. Nelson kept writing, God only knew what. “Let’s move on. May I ask, how do you two handle conflict?”
“We talk things out,” I said. Right, Adam?” That was a good answer to another hellish question, wasn’t it?
“Absolutely,” he said. But then I wondered, what conflict did we exactly have? We’d put everything else in our lives aside to care for Rosalie. We got to know each other in between bottles and diapers, exhaustion and sleep deprivation. How on earth was this a normal relationship?
Then I thought of how, with Tyler, I was constantly talking myself into believing that we were on the same page. If he didn’t hug me often, I’d tell myself that I didn’t need the assurance that he loved me. If he gave me a dirty look, I’d think that it was normal to sometimes be frustrated.
When he assumed I would do the dishes every night, and I told him we needed to switch off, he’d tell me how important his job was compared to mine, and he didn’t have time for dishes. And then I’d blame his egocentricity on his stress.
No, my relationship with Tyler was not a normal one. But my relationship with Adam was. “Adam and I are on the same page most of the time.”
