He stares at it some more, a furrow working its way between his brows. “Warehouse? For what?”
“Okay, here’s the next part,” I say, moving between apps and pulling up the Fowler Hardware business plan I’ve been working on for months. “Here it is. This is how we save the store!”
I’m overwhelmed by my giddiness and plow forward, excitement lacing every word. “So, we contact some companies, people who do local construction around here, like Archer, and we give them a hell of a deal to order supplies through us. Then we get said supplies and use the warehouse to store them. That way nothing can get damaged.” I paused and nodded toward the back of the store. “I know you said you use the alley sometimes, but that’s not weather secured. And the back room isn’t big enough for most of the things we’d need to order. Like scaffolding and flooring and tile and then other big items too. We can order all the appliances for housing and such when the need for it comes.”
I wait and watch, my hand folded under my chin while I do. The man I love stares at the business plan, but something tells me he’s not really seeing it the way I am.
“Derek? What do you think?” Worry slowly but surely starts to creep into my system when he doesn’t answer.
Finally, he lets out a breath and hangs his head, his hand going to rub his eyes. “I can’t afford to do any of this, Birdie.”
His words are quiet, like he’s softening the blow.
“No, I know. You’d need a business loan of some sort for sure for the warehouse, and to get the funds to start up, but we can get that for—”
“No, I can’t.” He turns, his eyes full of pain and maybe embarrassment. “I can’t because my credit is shot, Elizabeth. I can’t afford any of this.”
“Derek,” I start, but he’s shaking his head.
“I know, you didn’t know that.” He buries his hands in his hair and groans. “I haven’t told you that because I’m embarrassed. I can’t afford anything right now. I can hardly afford to buy you a nice meal, let alone lease a warehouse.” There’s pain in his expression, something I’ve never seen before that tells me this has been eating him up for a while. “I can hardly afford my rent. I want to buy us a house, and I can’t even afford my rent!”
“Derek, I don’t need a house,” I say, reaching out and tugging on his arm. “I’m perfectly happy just as we are.”
“Well, I’m not!” he says, his voice rising in anger. I’ve never seen Derek like this before, and his outburst makes me take a step back. “I’m not happy living like this, barely affording my life! I want to buy you and Rora things. I want to marry you and give you vacations and a house that you love. I want to make all of this happen for you.”
There’s a firmness to his voice, something that tells me he’s not really yelling at me but at himself. However, it doesn’t stop the tears from falling.
“You’re trying to push me into things that will make the hardware store better when I can barely afford to keep the lights on,” he says, softer this time, his expression cracking when he sees the tears in my eyes.
“I’m just trying to help you.” I barely say the words before his final outburst comes.
“Well, stop! Stop helping! I don’t want your help.” He pauses, his eyes wide with shock and indignation. “This is not your job, Birdie. This is mine. I take care of you, not the other way around.”
Tears slip from my eyes, and my heart feels like it deflates. My throat closes, and I feel like I might be sick.
I can’t believe this is his reaction. I didn’t know about his financial situation, not fully. But him blowing off this entire thing and then telling me… telling me that I can’t take care of him hurts.
That’s not the way I work.
I take care of people I love, too. It doesn’t have to be one-sided.
“I think I’ll go,” I say quietly, turning to leave.
“What? Birdie,” Derek starts, reaching out for my arm and turning me. His eyes take in my tears falling more rapidly now, and his expression falls. “Shit. I’m sorry, I…” He grabs his head, shaking it with frustration and anger. Probably directed at himself. “I’m just overwhelmed.”
“I understand being overwhelmed, Derek. But you don’t take that out on people you supposedly love.”
His eyes widen in shock and hurt. “Supposedly love? What’s that supposed to mean?”
I point to where I was just standing. “You just stood there and berated me because of your finances. You told me that it’s not up to me to take care of you. Well, guess what? Maybe I want to because I love you, maybe I’ve fallen in love with this store, maybe I’ve fallen in love with the idea that we work together on your father’s business, that we revive it. That Rora gets to grow up coming here and working and seeing two people who love each other and love her build something together.” My voice cracks as a hiccup escapes me. “You told me you don’t want my help. Well, congrats.” I choke back a sob. “You just lost it.”
“Birdie.” His voice comes out breathlessly, and he reaches for me. I pull myself back and turn, rushing from the store. “Birdie, please. Wait. I—” I reach the door and feel him right behind me. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry.”
I turn back and say, “I need some space, Derek.” I pull myself in tighter when he reaches out. “I can’t deal with what you just said to me, I feel.” I breathe and try to calm myself down. “I feel so useless right now. I’m not the type of person who can just let someone take care of me. I love taking care of you. But if you won’t let me, then I don’t know what to do. I’m not cut out for this. I want to be a team.”
His heart seems to show me its cracks in his eyes, and his shoulders drop. “Birdie.”
“I’m going, and I need time.”
