I’d fallen in love with a man who had the qualities of a hero, and I would not take advantage of that and pressure him to do something he would not choose to do.
I would be okay. I was strong. I’d survived plenty in my lifetime, and I could manage this sadness, although it was greater than any I’d ever experienced.
I wasn’t leaving the relationship empty-handed, though. I carried our baby and would have the child to love even if I didn’t have the father. That was something no one could ever take from me.
THIRTY-THREE
BRIAN
Idrove onto the family ranch, taking the cut in the driveway that ended at the horse barn to avoid going to the house. I’d come for one purpose. I needed some sense knocked into me, and my twin was the perfect man for the job. Jake wasn’t sentimental, wasn’t the type to get hooked on a woman, so he’d set me straight in no time.
I parked and walked into the barn. Jake was in a stall grooming the black gelding he often rode around the ranch.
“Hey, grab a brush, would you, and groom Minx,” Jake said when he saw me come in.
“Sure.” I got a bucket of supplies from the tack room and went to work on the paint horse my mother usually rode. “You and Mom go for a ride?”
“Yeah,” Jake replied. “She wanted to see a particular field of wildflowers in bloom. I go with her every year at this time. It’s something she used to do with Dad,” Jake said with no inflection in his voice.
“I didn’t know that.” I picked up the mare’s left front leg and cleaned the hoof.
My brother rarely talked about our dad. Maybe Jake didn’t need to because he lived and worked where our father had. Marshall Thorne’s essence was in the very walls of the barn. I didn’t think I could stand to be around it as much as Jake was. It brought out the guilt, even more poignantly. But, then, Jake didn’t carry the same burden that I did.
“What brought you out from town?” Jake asked after a few minutes in which we worked in companionable silence.
“I need you to do something for me,” I said. I’d been briefly lost in thoughts of wildflower fields and the connection I’d felt with Caitlin among the Golden Waves. I had to put all that behind me, and Jake was going to help me do that.
“All right, what?” Jake came out of the stall and leaned against the closed door.
“Tell me that I’m a selfish bastard.” Whenever I considered the idea that I could leave my job and responsibilities, that was how I felt.
“I’m not gonna do that without a reason.” Jake studied me.
Dammit, I didn’t want to get into the details on this. “I’m considering resigning as sheriff because I want to go to Austin to be with Caitlin, and that’s selfish behavior. So call me names and talk me out of it.”
“You’re in love with her.” Jake stood still as a statue and his words were more statement than question.
“Yeah, but I was once before, and I got over it,” I said. It had been hard as hell, and this time would be worse since I knewshe loved me back, but I was strong. I could do it. “Tell me to keep my ass here and do my job, okay? I need to hear it from somebody.”
“That won’t be me, brother,” Jake drawled. “My advice to you is to go after Caitlin.”
“What the hell? I’m not asking for much. Just say the words, dammit.” The mare shied away from me, picking up on my anger, so I left the stall.
“It’s always been Caitlin for you, since way back.” Jake came closer and put his hand over the stall door to stroke and soothe the mare. “And that’s not going to change.”
“Of course it will. It has to.” Didn’t anyone else see that?
“Why? Think about it, Brian. Could you live with yourself if Caitlin or your baby needed you and you weren’t there for them? Because that’s the choice you’re making right now.”
I didn’t want to hear that line of reasoning. Did Jake think I hadn’t played those scenarios a thousand times in my head?
“Christ, you’re useless. I’m leaving.” I went to stalk past Jake, but my brother stepped into my path, blocking the way.
“You’re one of the good guys.” Jake placed his hands on my shoulders. “And that’s great, but not when it makes you a nearsighted dumbass. Someone else can take care of this town. Or, I guess, you can hope that someone else takes care of Caitlin and your kid.”
I glared at him, hating the thought of being separated from Caitlin and the baby, but it was the only way. “She’s tough. She’ll manage on her own, and I’ll be able to help them when my schedule allows.”
“That’s not good enough.” Jake spoke in a low voice. “What happens if she finds someone else to care for her andyourkid, all because you couldn’t trust anyone else to manage the sheriff’s office?”
