“I want to check my bank account,” I said, heading for my laptop. “The detective I spoke to last said the money should be restored any day now.” I logged into my account, something I hadn’t let myself do during my time in my hometown. Seeing the low balance was too upsetting, so I’d avoided it. Aurora had paid me by direct deposit, but I hadn’t touched any of the money I’d earned. If I needed something, I bought it out of my tips. “Here goes.” I clicked the last button and saw my balance appear. “Wow.”
“Is it back?” Mel came to lean over my shoulder.
I saw a recent, large deposit, almost equal to the amount Seamus had stolen from me. But it was the amounts that had come in from my work at the diner that really caught my eye. The amounts were for more than I was supposed to have made. Aurora had overpaid me. I knew my old friend was generous, but I couldn’t accept the extra funds. I reached for my phone and sent a text to Aurora, asking how I could return the overpayment.
You weren’t overpaid, sweetie,Aurora texted back.
That’s more than I earned.I appreciated all Aurora had done for me, but I wasn’t taking charity.
It’s exactly what you earned. Brian refused to take payment for housing. He told me if I took it out of your paycheck, he’d arrest me.That was followed by a smiley face emoji.I wondered when you’d notice.
Fresh tears came to my eyes at what Brian had done for me.
“Whydidyou break up with Brian?” Mel asked after handing me the tissue box. She had seen the text messages. “You didn’t get to that part of the story.”
“What makes you think I broke up with him?” I sniffed.
“Because you’re here in my apartment and crying like your heart’s been cut in two,” Mel said. “And why would you be here if it was going well with him?”
“You and I planned a business together. I came back to fulfill my half of the agreement.” There was truth to that. I just hadn’t wanted to return to Austin alone.
Mel tilted her head. “The truth, Cait. What happened? You’re obviously not happy about it.”
“He picked his love for the town over his love for me.” I explained about Brian’s attachment to Poplar Springs and his fear that people wouldn’t be safe without him. Talking about it made him seem like a selfless hero. But I’d never doubted that he was the best man I’d ever known, so that wasn’t surprising. None of it was, including my heartache, my loneliness, and the sense of futility about it all.
“I get that you don’t want to live there since your parents are shits and toxic as hell,” Mel said. Her assessment of my parents almost made me smile. “But…”
“What?” I asked.
“Are you judging him too harshly? I mean, knowing that you’ll be second fiddle to a town is tough, and I don’t want to see you get your hopes raised and dashed by him when he doesn’t come through for you. You’ve got enough emotional scars from your parents. But I’m thinking he’s got some scars, too. If he really thinks that his brother and father died because he wasn’t there, that’s some serious baggage to haul around.”
Mel was right. Brian’s guilt wasn’t rational, but it was deep-seated. “I was hoping a change of environment would help. If he came here?—”
She shook her head. “That’s not how it works. Say he came here and took a job with a local department or in private security. Don’t you think he’d throw himself into his work in the same way?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “Because that’s how he’s wired.” I had worried about that, but I thought it was worth the risk for us to be together.
“No, Cait,” Mel said. “He’s wired to help others, but what he’s experiencing is a compulsion to cover up the wounds he’s carrying.”
“So it’s hopeless,” I said.
“Not necessarily. He has some issues, but they aren’t about moving to the city. They’re about getting over the past. Do you think he’d be willing to work on that?”
I shrugged, too close to tears again to risk saying anything. Mel’s words had me second-guessing myself, but I felt strongly that if I hadn’t taken care of my needs and let him go when I had, then I would never be able to. I already loved him so much. Staying with him longer, pretending that things were okay between us,would only make the hurt greater when it inevitably ended between us.
“Let’s talk about something else, okay?” I said, struggling to get my emotions under control. “Other than looking at storefronts, I have no idea what you’ve been up to for the past few months.”
As Mel talked about her baby nephew and a guy she’d gone out with twice, I tried to smile along. Inside, though, I couldn’t get past the thought that I’d just walked away from the best thing in my life.
After we watched a movie together, Mel went to bed, leaving me to sleep on the couch. I had pillows and a blanket, everything that should make me comfortable, but I couldn’t settle. I’d needed to pour my heart out to my friend, and it helped in a way, but it also sharpened the edges of my grief.
I sighed and stared at the ceiling. My body was tired, but my mind was restless with “what ifs.” My phone glowed with a notification and I grabbed for it, hoping it was a message from Brian. It wasn’t. Instead it was an update from a baby tracker app that Brian had shown me. The app sent messages about the current size and development of the baby.
I read through the information, fighting the almost desperate need to call Brian and share it with him. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop there. I’d end up begging him to come join me in Austin. If he thought I needed him, he’d come. He couldn’t resist helping someone in need. And Icoulduse that against him because I knew if I called, crying on the phone, claiming that I couldn’t do this without him, he’d quit his job and come.
But that wasn’t fair to him, and I’d sworn to myself that I wouldn’t manipulate people like my parents had, especially people I loved.
I got off the couch and took my phone into the kitchen, placing it inside a drawer and sparing myself the temptation. Determinedly, I marched back to my makeshift bed and forced myself to lie down.
