“On those same grounds,” she spoke slowly, “it wasn’t your fault either. Luke did as he pleased.No onecould control him. You know that to have been true about your brother.”
I couldn’t deny that Luke had always been stubborn and strong-willed.
“For that first year or two after the accident, I carried a lot of guilt about his death, too,” she said. “But grief counseling helped me see that I’m ultimately only responsible for myself, my feelings and reactions.”
“I didn’t know you’d gone to counseling.” The entire family had been devastated by the deaths of Luke and our father. It seemed Amy was the only one wise enough to seek help.
“I learned a lot,” she said, “like how not to feel bad about moving on with my life.”
“You’ve done that, and I’m happy for you,” I said. Amy and my half-brother Cal were planning to marry around Christmas, neither of them wanting to drag out their engagement. It had taken me and Jake some time to adjust to the idea, but I knew that Amy and Cal were good together, and Henry was so excited about having a daddy again.
“It’s time you moved on as well. You’ve got to let the guilt and the grief go. They won’t do you any good. Trust me on that.” She paused. “You’ll never get what you want in your life if you carry the weight of all those ‘could have beens’ around. Tell me the truth, Brian, whatdoyou want? If you set aside your belief about the accident, would you choose Caitlin or this town?”
“Caitlin,” I said, not able to stop her name from coming out.
“Good.” Amy smiled. “Then get her back.”
“It’s not that simple,” I argued. “As I said, she won’t stay and I can’t?—”
“But you can. You’ve got competent people to run this office. You can resign or take time off and know you’re leaving things in good hands. Either way, you need to work it out with Caitlin.” Amy stood up. “We’ll get lunch another day. You’ve got a lot to think about.” She quietly left my office.
I sat there for a while, pondering what she’d said. I wasn’t convinced that I could just walk away from the life I’d built for myself in Poplar Springs. At the same time, I also wasn’t convinced that I could live without Caitlin.
THIRTY-TWO
CAITLIN
Idrove from Poplar Springs in a fog after parting with Brian. We’d said a polite goodbye, nothing more than what acquaintances might share, before I got on the road. Despite the temptation, I hadn’t looked in the rearview mirror to see if he was watching me drive away. I couldn’t look back. Only forward.
I drove with blinders on, only stopping for food and fuel or to use the toilet. My stomach was churning the entire way, but I knew if I stopped for any length of time, it’d be harder to get going again.
Pulling in to Mel’s complex, I parked and made my way to my friend’s apartment. With my apartment sublet, I had no place else to go in the city. I knew I should have called or texted her when I was on my way to Austin, but I had been too scared that my best friend would turn me away.
“Caitlin!” Mel exclaimed, pulling me into a hug as soon as she opened the door. “Come in, come in.”
I felt relief flood through me at her greeting. “It’s good to see you.” I stepped into my friend’s tidy apartment.
“You, too. I’m glad we can finally clear the air in person,” Mel said before we got past the entry. “I should never have blamed you for what Seamus did. I hope you can forgive me for being a lousy friend when you were going through so much.”
I didn’t mean to burst into tears, but I couldn’t stop them. It was so comforting to have my friend back, and I needed a friend so desperately right now.
“Whoa, what’s this?” Mel hugged me again. “Are these hormonal tears?”
“Maybe.” I swiped at my eyes. The pregnancy made my emotions raw, but I’d mostly been able to control them. Yet right now, everything felt so overwhelming.
“You need food, and you need to tell me all about what you’ve been doing. I’ve got a frozen pizza and chocolate ice cream for dessert.”
“Sounds perfect,” I sniffed. “Is it okay if I crash with you for a few nights?”
“Of course. Anything you need.”
“Thanks.” While the pizza baked, we grabbed my bags from the car, so by the time we ate, I felt almost settled in.
“Tell me about being pregnant,” Mel said. “No, wait. Tell me about getting pregnant. I assume the hottie sheriff is the baby daddy, but I can’t figure the timing. You haven’t been living with him that long.”
“We hooked up not long before I went back to Poplar Springs to work in the diner,” I said and spilled everything about that night when I’d unexpectedly met Brian at the bar in Beaumont. Then I talked about living with Brian and how we’d rekindled our oldromance. I told Mel about how Brian helped me file the police report, what he’d found out about Seamus also stealing from Kieran, and how that escalated the search for him.
Mel’s eyes were huge as she listened to all the things Brian had done to help me get justice, with my money returned and Seamus arrested. By the time I was done, we’d eaten the pizza and giant bowls of ice cream.
