Ryan frowned. “Maybe we can drop her off together and then come back here? You can stay over. Or I can stay at your place?”
I felt like the fucking Grinch on Christmas morning. I swear my heart grew two goddamn sizes at that moment. Telling him no was making me want to throw myself out the fucking window.
“Awh, baby, I would love that. But I can’t. Not tonight.”
I cringed as some of the light bled out of his hopeful, brandy eyes.
“You’re going out again,” he said, his previously shy and hesitant tone hardening.
I sighed. “Yeah. I have to. Damian has me on this mission, and it’s been kind of a pain in my ass.”
He pursed his lips, and I could tell he wasn’t happy about it.
“I promise I’ll text you this time,” I offered, hoping that would make angry Ryan go away and bring back the cute, innocent, and surprisingly horny version of my ginger snap.
He pushed off my chest, and I sighed again.
Here we go.
I sat up and watched him get out of bed and pull on his jeans.
“Ryan…”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. You’re mad again.”
He ran his palm down his face in frustration, then again through his hair, before turning to look at me.
Fuck, he looked hot… standing there, freshly sucked, with nothing but jeans on.
“I’m not mad, Cal. I know there’s nothing you can do about it. I just… I fuckinghateit, okay?”
I followed him out of bed, pulling my own jeans on before sitting back down to listen to what he had to say.
“I know you do. I’m sorry,” I said, finding that I actually meant it, too. Iwassorry. I wished I didn’t have to leave him. If I could, I would spend every second of every day following him around. But I justcouldn’t.
“I just… Itscaresme. I was so fucking worried about you all day today. I didn’t know where you were or if you were coming back. What if you get hurt? What am I supposed to do then? It’s not like I can come get you if I don’t know where you are.”
I chuckled. “Baby, it’s usually me doing the hurting. You don’t have to worry.”
He rounded on me, looking exasperated and pissed off and worried all at the same time.
Fuck, I just wanted to put him in my pocket. He was so fucking cute!
“I hate that too! I don’t want you hurting people, Cal. You shouldn’t have to do that. It’s fucked up that he makes you do that, and honestly, I can’t stand thinking about it. You deserve better.”
A strange cocktail of emotions brewed in my chest at his words. On some level, I obviously knew that hunting and killing people was wrong, but it was such a normal part of my life that I was desensitized to it.
What was shocking to me was he didn’t seem to be upset on behalf of the people that I was killing. He seemed more worried about what the killing was doing tome.
Well… that was new.
“Ryan, it’s fine. I’m super used to it,” I said, though my voice wasn’t as even as I would have liked.
Was it fine?
I’d never really asked myself that before. Well, maybe once, when Gavin tried to convince Vox and me to quit Apex with him. But other than that, I just accepted that this was my life. Mostly because it didn’t really matter if I was fine with it or not; it didn’t change my situation.
