She blamed herself. She blamed herself formyactions, and I felt the chilling weight of regret settle deep in my bones. If I was being honest, the blame really lay with Yahweh, but I knew that would have sounded like an excuse. So, I had done the only thing I could think to alleviate the crippling guilt that she was manifesting in the form of self-harm.
I took responsibility. I took the blame and had her turn that blade on me instead. I didn’t regret it. The wounds on my chest had stopped bleeding, but they were still raw, and they would scar.
Good.I wanted them to scar. Ishouldbe punished for what I had done to the one person I should have been protecting. It didn’t seem fair for me to make it through this chapter of our story unmarked. So, each time she hesitated or tried to be gentle, I forced her hand to cut me deeper.
It seemed to have worked. I had pulled her back from the edge, and by the time I tucked her soft little body into bed, the light had returned to her eyes. I didn’t know how to go about earning her forgiveness, but tonight seemed like it might have at least been a start.
I stroked Lilith’s hair away from her sleeping face and pressed my lips against her forehead. I knew I needed to seek out Hazai and see if the idea seed worked. But despite my increasingly urgent need to destroy Yahweh, I couldn’t seem to leave her side. I couldn’t even look away. I wanted to stare at her forever, memorize every line of her face, count every freckle, and leave a wish on every fucking eyelash.
I had almost lost her. She could have fucking died just days away from reclaiming her immortality. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, forcing down the crippling wave of anxiety that rolled through me at the thought.
“Don’t you fucking leave me, deathtrap,” I whispered into her sleeping ear, “I just finally found you again.”
Someone cleared their throat in the doorway. My entire body tensed in irritation. Who was stupid enough to come to our fuckingbedroom?
Slowly, so as not to disturb Lilith, I turned to face the door. I found Jezebel standing there, wringing her hands together anxiously.
“How is she?” she asked, biting her crimson lip.
The anger that had been simmering in my chest rolled to a boil at the sight of her.Shewas to blame for the fresh cuts on Lilith’s skin.Shewas the reason I had nearly lost my fucking wife just days before she ascended into her power.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was out of bed and had thrown Jezebel out of the bedroom by the throat.
I shut the now-cracked door behind me, doing my best to control myself enough to close it quietly.
Jezebel was attempting to recover from her fall as I stalked toward her. Rot bloomed beneath my feet with each step.
“How fucking dare you disturb us here?” I snarled at her, seeing red. She glared at me and tried to get to her feet, but I cuffed her around the throat again and slammed her against the wall. “Do you know what your actions nearly cost us!? She could havedied!”
My rage was bleeding out of me in veins of decay. Putrid webs of rot crept across the black marble floor and infected the perfect ivory of Jezebel’s throat. However, she didn’t cower. Instead, she met my gaze head-on and barely flinched; her brown eyes burned with something close to indignation.
“I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to tell her about Mike!” she protested, though her voice was strained due to the press of my hand.
“I don’t want to hear your fucking excuses,” I snapped. “Your idiocy is not a valid justification for your actions. Use your head. You knew she worked with him at Voodoo. How did youthinkthat news was going to make her feel?”
“Sorry, Ramel, I’m not used to tiptoeing around fuckinghumanfeelings, unlikeyou,” she hissed back, and her insolence only caused me to tighten my grip around her neck.
“Do you have something to say, Jez?” I snarled. I knew what she was implying. I just wanted to hear her say it so I would have an excuse to rip her fucking head off.
During the thousand years I had spent without my memories, Jezebel had sought a place in my bed more than once. Shemhazai always encouraged me to deny her, telling me there was no point in getting involved with a demon. I hadn’t really questioned it at the time, but now I understood why. Becoming entangled with another immortal would have made things complicated if and when Lilith was returned to us.
It was better to keep things casual and temporary. With the exception of Shem’s odd fling with Art, the two of us had kept our sexual escapades to humans for the most part.
Hazai had always told me to treat sex like a need.
‘It’s no different than how humans need to eat to survive,’he had explained to me after Yahweh had fished me out of purgatory.‘Treat the human world like a grocery store. Pluck whatever little snack you need to appease your appetite, and clean up your mess when you’re done. Getting involved with immortals just complicates things.’He had rolled his eyes and gestured to Art, who had been smirking at him from across the dining room.‘See? Look how clingy that asshole is. Now that he’s had a taste of my cock, I can’t seem to get rid of him.’Though the tilt on his lips betrayed the callousness of his words. It was clear he liked Art lusting after him in some capacity.
Regardless, I didn’t have any desire to get romantically entangled with one of our kind. Ripping souls away from mortals and fucking the odd human when I felt the need arise had been more than enough to keep me satisfied. As a result,Jezebel’s advances had always been rejected, and I had never been more grateful to Hazai. Explaining to Lilith that I had fucked the demon she was building a budding friendship with would have been a fucking nightmare.
Jezebel closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if trying to calm her own anger. Finally, she looked at me, her entire demeanor softening, and she genuinely appeared to be filled with remorse.
“I’m sorry, okay? I feel terrible. You’re right, I wasn’t thinking. Lilith is my friend. Or I think we’re becoming friends, at least. I came here to see if she was okay or if there was anything I could do to help.”
Her apology did nothing to assuage my rage. She had put Lilith’s life at risk, and that was enough for me to want to take a scepter to her skull.
“Of course she’s not fucking okay,” I snarled, moving in so close our noses were nearly touching. “You are friends becauseI have allowed it.Give me one reason why I should allow you to continue to see her after this.”
Jezebel narrowed her eyes at me. “You really want to forbid her from seeing me? That girl isdesperatefor company, Ramel. You’ve robbed her of friends her entire life. Are you really going to take this away from her over a stupidmistake?”
