“I love how fucking smart you are. You found a way to gain an advantage against Yahweh without any background knowledge in a matter of days. Your mind is incredible,” he murmured, placing a tender kiss on my lips.
“Mmm,” I hummed against him, and I felt his mouth curl into a smile.
“I love it when you make that sound,” he whispered against me. “And I love the sounds you make when you’re about to come.”
I felt my cheeks flush at his words, which was ridiculous because he had seen every single nook and cranny that existed on my body in full technicolor. The fact that he could still make me blush like a schoolgirl was comical.
“You make these beautiful breathy moans. It’s why I love edging you so much. I wish I could keep you balanced on that knife’s edge for eternity just to hear you make those sounds.” He smirked down at me and ran his knuckles over my blushing cheek before his smile slipped away, and his expression turned serious again.
“But the thing that I love about you most, Lilith, is that no matter the bullshit I put you through, you always find a way to bounce back. You always find a way to keep pressing forward and hope for a better future. Your resilience is fucking inspiring.”
I frowned at him. “I didn’t bounce back though. I gave up so many times. I tried to kill myself more than once,” I whispered, and a pained look flashed across his face.
“You just spent the day leading me through a cemetery filled with gods, Lilith. Even the strongest fall if they don’t have anyone waiting to catch them.”
My already shattered heart cracked as he pulled me in tighter to him. “You’ve never had anyone to catch you,” he whispered against the shell of my ear. “That ends now.”
He kissed me on my temple and rested his head against me, tracing little circles beneath the sleeve of my T-shirt.
“From now on, if you fall, we fall together. If you bleed, I bleed.” He took my hand and pressed it against his shredded skin. The wounds had already started to scab, and his blood felt tacky beneath my fingers.
“Say it, Lilith. Say it so I know you heard me,” he whispered, his lips inches from mine. I swallowed the peppermint on his breath and gave him a tiny nod.
“If I bleed, you bleed,” I repeated, my voice barely a whisper. Despite everything he had done to me, I believed him. No one had ever looked at me the way he was looking at me now. Like he would move planets and reduce entire galaxies to stardust if I asked him to. I used to fear him more than life itself, but now, the burn of his skin against mine felt like a promise.
It felt like forever.
He closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms tightly around me, pressing me so close I felt we might fuse into one. He ran his tongue across the seam of my lips, and I opened for him, allowing him to kiss away my pain and my grief.
He clung to me like I was an anchor, and he was a ship battling the swells of an angry storm.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave me.
I couldn’t tell if he had said the words out loud or in my mind, but I could nearly taste the fear on his breath. I had frightened him. He had been worried I finally found a way to escape not just him but all the pain and suffering that came with the burden of living. He kissed me, and I knew it was a plea.
A plea to stay here with him.
It no longer mattered who was responsible for the wounds I bore. I knew he would bear the weight of the blame for me. I just needed to forgive myself enough to let him do it.
“The world needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.”
—RUST COHLE, TRUE DETECTIVE
Lilith fell asleep curled against my chest. Even after her lashes fluttered closed and her breathing settled, I found I couldn’t stop tracing slow, gentle circles over the soft cotton of her T-shirt.
I inhaled her scent... death and carnations. Nothing had ever smelled so sweet. As I lay next to her, counting the freckles dusted across her perfect nose, I couldn’t understand how I had ever hated her.
When I found her sitting in a pool of her own blood, I had been so afraid that I wondered if it were possible for a demon to die from terror.
I was Death. I couldn’t fucking die—but still—for a split second, so much pain and anguish had coursed through my veins that I truly wondered if I would recover.
The way she had looked at me, her moss green gaze blank, as if I were already looking into the eyes of her corpse.
When I rushed to her side, the first thing she assumed was that I was going topunish her.She might as well have stabbed me with the bloody blade she was clutching so desperately.
I knew, logically, that her assumption made sense. I hadn’t ever given her a reason to believe I would do otherwise. But she was so broken, and there was so much fuckingblood.
She had punished herself enough. I could barely string my thoughts together, let alone think about hurting her further.
