I gape at him. He has to be joking. And yet his expression is deadly serious.
‘What the hell are you on about?’ A disbelieving laugh cracks from my lungs. ‘You can’t be serious.’
‘It makes sense,’ he says, taking my hands. ‘It’s the only thing you can do. If we’re married, you’ll be back to being a member of the court. Acacia, too. Once that happens, we can move somewhere. Away from Wrohelm. Maybe Benny could get us a place on one of the smaller Eastern Isles. Somewhere quiet.’
My laughter may have stopped, but the disbelief remains. He wants me to run away and hide for the rest of my life. ‘Jonas, I’m not going to marry you. I … I can’t. I love Kyor.’
It’s the first time I’ve said the words aloud, to anyone, and it feels wrong. They should be reserved for Kyor alone.
Jonas is unfazed by my confession. ‘Whatever you believe you feel, it’s almost certainly due to the stress of the situation, Rose. Some weird coping mechanism to make all the suffering here seem normal. Believe me when I say that’s not what love should be.’
I grit my teeth, fighting the urge to spit at him.
‘Kyor is the prince,’ Jonas continues. ‘And you are … whatever you are, Rose. Please think about this sensibly. I’m not denying your feelings for him. I’m not. I’m sure there’s something there for you, and maybe it’s even reciprocated. But at some point, he’s going to have to be king. King of the whole of Morathka. Sworn to protect his subjects from the Issen. What’s going to happen if he finds out? When he realises the truth, he will have to put you to death, Rose. You know that.’
I try to hold my gaze steady – try not to give anything away – but as my lips press together, a look of disbelief dawns on Jonas’s face.
‘He knows. Gods, he already knows.’ He shakes his head as he tugs his beard. When he looks back at me, his resolve has returned. ‘That doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t. You marry me, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. You know I will. We can go wherever you want. Take Acacia and William?—’
I frown. Something about the way he says William’s name is off. ‘Why would we take your father’s ward?’
He combs his fingers back through his beard again. ‘He’s a brother to me,’ he says. ‘I won’t leave him behind. I’m just thinking through all of the logistics. Thinking through how it would work. What other choice do you have?’
‘I have the choice of winning the Retterheld.’ The words leave my mouth with utter conviction – the same conviction I felt all those months ago when I first entered Etta’s temple to give my offering. There’s no denying that my conviction has wavered at times since, that I even doubted my chances, but I don’t anymore. Etta let me in for a reason. And that’s to win this thing.
I stand there, back straight, with my eyes narrowed on Jonas, only for him to tut like I’m a small, incapable child rather than someone who has survived four fucking deadly trials. Someone who dragged him off the ice to safety in the third trial and convinced Kyor to save his life in the fourth. My hackles rise.
‘Even now. Even after all the timesI’vehad to saveyou, you still don’t think I can do it. You still think I’m just some weak, powerless little girl.’
The slightest flush of embarrassment colours his cheeks, but it does nothing to douse the fury I’m feeling.
‘It’s the best of the best left, Rose. It’s not about you. You saw what Grenda’s capable of, and Zara wants you dead. She’ll put a sword through your stomach the instant the Ofur begins.’
‘I can do it. I know I can.’
‘And then what?’ His tone is so sharp it’s like being struck with tiny shards of glass. ‘You think you can just win, get your powers back, and then pretend like none of this ever happened?’
‘Yes. That’s exactly what I plan on doing.’
With a noise that could be a scoff or a laugh, he lifts his hands to his head. ‘That is insane, Rose. Do you even know how to control these new powers of yours? Or what you’re capable of? Because I know you, and I’m willing to bet that however you killed Oke, it wasn’t what you wanted to do, what you intended to do. It was the magic that did it. Not you.’
Pain claws through me as I bite the inside of my cheek. I don’t know what I hate more about this conversation: the fact that he thinks he has the right to speak to me like this, or that almost everything he’s saying is spot on.
‘Please, Jonas. Let it go. We’re not having this conversation here. It’s stupid and dangerous.’ I pause. ‘Please don’t mention this magic to anyone.’
‘I won’t. You know I won’t, Rose.’
I turn to go, but he catches me by the hand. Any anger that was in his eyes has now transformed into outright desperation.
‘Think about it. Please, Rose. It would keep you safe. And it’s not like you didn’t feel something for me before. You know, before he came along. We can rekindle it, the flame between us.’
There it is. The hurt. The jealousy. The fact that he thinks it should be him I’m with. As he continues to stare into my eyes, with all his vulnerability right there for me to see, the smallest fraction of my anger ebbs away.
‘Jonas, I love you as a friend. I always have. But as for it turning into something more … I guess we’ll never know now.’ I look down, mainly because I can’t bear to look at his face any longer, and my gaze lands on the book he’s holding. ‘I promise I’ll tell you whatever I find,’ I say, taking it from him. He lets me. ‘I’ll see you at training later.’ I walk back towards the staircase, and when I reach the bottom step, he calls my name again, the crack of urgency in his voice stopping me in my tracks.
‘I would be able to protect you as a husband, Rose. I can’t promise the same if I’m just your friend.’
I shake my head as I release a bitter laugh. ‘If you’re trying to blackmail me into marrying you, I think that’s a pretty sure sign you were never my friend in the first place.’
