I don’t look back again.
I findBenny in the battle yard, staring intently at Grenda.
‘This is training?’ I ask him.
He starts to nod his head, only for the motion to turn into a shake, accompanied by a groan.
‘She has to have a tell. Something she does that will give us a chance to block her. If we can’t, then the rest of us don’t stand a chance. She couldjust freeze us all and leave us there until she’s finished the Ofur and won the Retterheld. The problem is that she isn’t using her bloody magic, so I can’t see if there’s a tell or not.’
Right now, Grenda is fighting Moryal and Del simultaneously, and they’re giving her a serious workout. I’ve seen her feet slip on the sand more than once, and she’s come precariously close to not blocking a couple of strikes. Strikes I’m not convinced they would’ve pulled, not if it gave them the chance to take her out of the running.
‘As far as I can tell, the only thing any of us have got on her is stamina,’ Benny tells me. ‘She’s the oldest left, so if it’s a five-day Ofur, we might stand a chance.’
‘A five-day trial? I think I’ll throw in the towel now,’ I groan.
He laughs, but it fades as he looks at me properly. A crinkle forms between his brows.
‘You okay?’ he asks. ‘You look like shit.’
‘Just what every woman wants to hear,’ I huff. I clear my throat. ‘Actually, any chance you and I can have a chat later? Maybe up in my old room.’
His eyebrows bob. ‘It must be serious if you want us to risk the death-trap stairs.’
‘If you can’t manage the stairs, you’re going to be screwed when it comes to the Ofur.’
‘Good point. After dinner?’
‘Perfect.’
Several hours later,I’m sitting on the ash-covered sheets of my old bed, having told Benny everything. Unlike with Jonas, where I was vague about what happened on the ice with Oke, I didn’t hide anything – from the way the ice radiated from my hand and killed her, to the way I froze the water to stop myself from plunging to an icy death. I even tell him about the way Kyor was trying to help me train it, and the times I’ve felt the tingle of power buzz beneath the surface of my palm. With that covered, I move on to Jonas and his offer, or rather threat, of marriage.
‘Fucking arsehole,’ Benny mutters. The two words are all I need to assure me I made the right choice in telling him. ‘That’s a hell of a lot to deal with, Rosey. How are youfeeling now?’
‘Scared,’ I admit.
‘Of the powers, or the fact that Lorathin is so desperate to get into your pants he’d blackmail you?’
I grimace.
Thankfully, Benny fills the silence. ‘What do you need from me? How can I help?’
Benny’s simple offer of solidarity is everything, and I close my eyes as an all-too-familiar heat burns behind them. I never used to be a crier, and now it feels like it’s all I do.
‘I don’t know.’ I reach out and squeeze his hand gratefully. ‘I got this book from the library and was going to see if it could help, but I don’t even know what’s in it yet.’
‘Shall I have a look? I’m pretty good at skim-reading.’
He takes the book and flicks it open, but rather than looking at the page, he continues to stare at me.
‘My grandmother, the Dowager, used to say,’ he begins. ‘Well, I can’t remember exactly how she put it … but basically, when she was training me and my brother, and we got frustrated that our powers weren’t working the way we wanted them to, she would say that everyone’s powers can turn up when they’re scared or angry. But if they show themselves when you’re feeling safe, that’s how you know you’ll be able to control them. She used to tell us to chase that safe feeling – the feeling of home.’
‘I like the sentiment,’ I tell him. ‘But there’s one big problem. Exactly how many times have you felt safe since you got accepted to the Retterheld?’
‘Good point,’ he concedes with a half grin. ‘Let’s look through the book.’
Benny’s fingers start flicking through the pages like he’s riffling through a deck of cards, and I can’t help but laugh.
‘You know, the point is to read the pages, not just flick past them.’
