Lying among the covers, I stare up at the ceiling again. It feels scandalous to call Royal back. Intimate to do something sexual with another person who’s not my chosen husband. But I could take that back, an intimate experience, and it would give me a semblance of my first time with someone else. Someone that I choose.
Am I choosing Royal because I like him, or am I just choosing him because he’s the first man who has ever been nice to me?But the last part isn’t entirely true. Ever since I turned sixteen, there have been more advances and attention from Dad’s men. Many of them have been nice, and those who have been too nice don’t last long. But Royal isn’t the first man who has been nice or paid me attention.
He’s the first man I’ve wanted attention from. I don’t think he’s just being nice either. I don’t think he’s like everyone else who just wants to get close to Dad and Berto.
Drawing a deep breath, I hold it while going to my recent calls and clicking on Royal’s name.
The phone rings twice, and I almost hang up before he answers. “Hello?”
“Promise me you won’t think this is pathetic and that you’re not doing this out of pity,” I demand without greeting.
“Leticia, this is not pathetic, and you’ll never have my pity.” His voice is so warm and affirming.
I close my eyes and fidget with the sheet with my free hand. “So... where do we start?”
“Well, for me, I prefer to be naked.” There’s a sound of leather creaking on Royal’s side of the phone. “I know you’re afraid that someone might be recording you. What are you comfortable with?”
“I can get under the covers,” I offer.
“That’s a good idea. You can use them to give you some privacy.”
“Okay.” My voice fluctuates more than I’d like. It’s a mix of fear and excitement and reflects how they’re coursing through my body.
I tug the covers up over the top of me, making sure the phone ends up close to my head. I pull my shirt off first, but the sleeves get tangled, causing me to have to sit up. I try to stay as covered as I can, clutching the comforter to my chest, while putting my discarded shirt on the pillow next to me.
I’m shuffling to get under the covers again when Royal quietly speaks. “Are you doing okay? You sound frantic.”
“It’s harder to get undressed lying down than it really should be.” I feel a break in tension, and I laugh. “Halfway done.”
“We’re in no rush. We’ve got all night.” Royal’s deep voice sends a shiver through my body.
I pull at the tie to my sweatpants before hitching my thumbs into my waistband and shoving them and my underwear down. When I kick them aside, I freeze. I haven’t been fully naked, outside of my bathroom, for years.
I’m warm and cold at the same time. It’s like the war in my head — to be bad or to behave — rampages in my brain. I work on calming myself, but it’s hard.
After settling in, I speak softly. “Can you hear me?”
“I can hear you. Am I on speaker?” Royal asks. “You’re kind of distant.”
“Let me get my headphones.” I roll in bed, and the sheets are smooth against my skin. It’s luxurious and freeing.
My headphones are right where I left them, and I snatch them off the nightstand, opening the case and popping them into my ears. After they announce their connection, I can hear more sounds on Royal’s side. There’s rustling fabric and a whoosh of air like he’s lying down, probably in his own bed.
“Okay, can you hear me?” I check in as I nestle back under my covers.
“Yeah, I can hear you. You settling back in?” Royal hums.
“I guess?”
“Get comfortable. Lie on your back and let yourself relax. This is supposed to be good, and if it isn’t, tell me to stop and we will. Do you understand?” His voice has the hint of a command.
“I understand. If I say stop, we will.” Butterflies flutter in my stomach as I confirm that with him.
“That’s good.” Royal’s voice is sultry, and I close my eyes.
I picture him in the photo he sent me. His hair was wet and wavy, and a sheen of water coated his pecs and abs.
“Take some deep breaths. Focus on how your body feels. Let your hand wander over your skin. What do you want to touch first?”
