“Not never mind?” she squeaks.
I smile, holding in a small laugh while watching her. She’s so perfect and oblivious.
Reassurance.My wolf agrees with me.She needs reassurance. We can help her.
“It’s not weird. There’s no shame in not knowing something.” I settle back into my chair. “I’ve had femme partners before. If you want, I’d be honored to walk you through how to come.”
Leticia’s side of the phone is silent except for her breathing.
“Or if you’d rather, you can experiment on your own, and we can call this good night?” I try to be okay with that possibility.
Tell her it’s better with a friend. Remind her what we said.My wolf urges with his territorial side, trying to overcome my self-restraint.
“What if I try alone and decide I need help?” Leticia is extremely hesitant, each word drawn out or delivered with a pause.
Rejection stings like a tearing bite, ripping open a wound of self-pity. “I’ll be up for a long time. There’s no rush.”
“Promise?” Leticia’s voice peaks.
“Promise.” I draw slow, steady breaths, controlling myself for a beat. “Call me if you need me. I might miss a text.”
Liar.My wolf snorts. He turns his back to me, pissed off that I gave her an out.
“Good night, Royal.” Leticia’s voice wavers in what I assume is uncertainty.
“Good night, Leticia,” I push out before disconnecting the call. Before I can beg her not to go.
Coward.My wolf huffs over his shoulder.
He’s not wrong.
16
LETICIA
SELF-DISCOVERY
I hungup with Royal out of pure embarrassment. I’m running hot under the covers, yet I feel like a cold sweat has taken over my skin. I push the blankets off to get up to... do what exactly? Uncovered, lying on the bed and looking up into the darkness of my room, I feel every bit as alone as I am.
Mom, Dad, and Berto are gone. There are no guards in the penthouse itself. The dreaded feeling of being watched seems to have lessened. I feel too alone and miss being connected.I miss Royal.
Grabbing my phone, I turn the flashlight on before I put my feet on the floor. Shining it to illuminate my path, I go to the bathroom.
I blink against the blinding lights, turn off my phone flashlight, and look at myself in the mirror. My blonde hair is wild and untamed from rolling in the sheets, so I grab the brush and straighten the locks before weaving them into a loose braid.
When that’s settled, I look at myself again. My cheeks are flushed, and my shoulders are moving erratically with my breathing.
Royal was such a gentleman.Letting me do this on my own and not pushing me for more. He’s right though. The only thing stopping me is this expectation of what I should and shouldn’t do.
This is an opportunity for me to take control. Control over a piece no one can take from me. It’s a choice and something for me, just for me.
I can hide under the covers like I used to when I’d stay up way too late reading. No one ever caught me then, so no one could possibly catch me doing this.
How do I even start? I’ve never even watched porn out of fear of being caught, shamed, and given a lecture on Catholic values.Twenty-three years old and I don’t know how to—I stop the beratement, and more embarrassment and shame creep in again. Royal said it wasn’t bad. He reassured me it was okay.
Turning my phone flashlight back on, I turn off the bathroom light and head back to bed. I know the way, but that feeling of being watched always makes me feel like something is going to come out from under my bed and grab me by the ankles.
“So pathetic.” I scold myself but climb into bed quickly. “Twenty-three, never had an orgasm, and afraid of monsters under the bed.”
