“I-I don’t know.” Indecision paralyzes me. I try to move my hand, but it won’t budge.
“It’s okay not to know.” Royal reassures me. “We’re not going to dive right into it. Tease your belly with your hand. Feel the soft skin and how warm you are.”
Taking my hand, I drag it up from my navel to my breast.
“Don’t forget to breathe.” Royal’s voice holds a little playful banter.
Drawing a breath, I exhale with a small laugh.
“Run your fingers in a circle around your breast, don’t run straight to the nipple. Tease your body, let it build anticipation.”
His directions slow me down from where I was moving straight to the nipple.
“How did you know?” I stiffen, eyes opening to the darkness of my room, and I stop my movements.
“You seem like the impatient kind,” Royal answers. “You seem like you’re the kind of woman who does things fast and efficiently. But this isn’t something you rush. Not at first.”
The more he speaks, the more transparent I feel. We haven’t known each other for long, but he seems to know me so well. It’s like he understands me more than I understand myself. Certainly better than I know him.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m also in bed, naked. I’m following my own instructions too. I hope you’re okay with that.” He pauses, and I think he’s going to go on to the next instruction when he adds, “We’re in this together, right?”
“Absolutely.” I find that I’m smiling, and I feel better about this. “What next?”
Royal lets out a soft groan. “Next, we’ll trace our fingers around the nipple. Feel it pebbling from the touch. How stiff it becomes.”
I close my eyes again and focus entirely on what he says and how I feel. The sensations match his words exactly.
“Trail your hand down away from your breast, to your stomach and lower. Run your fingers between your legs and then back up to your breast. What are you feeling right now?”
Touching myself like this is foreign. I try to just do it and not think too much. When I slide my fingers between my legs, the hair is soft, and I trail across my folds. My breath catches in my throat.
“I’m excited, and nervous, I guess,” I admit.
“Breathe, slow and steady.” Royal’s voice comes with exactly what I need to hear. “One more time, dip lower.”
This time as I do, a little of that shame fades away, and it’s easier.
“That’s it.” Royal is breathy, sending a chill down my spine. “Are you ready for more?”
“Mmmm.” I clench the bed sheet with my other hand. The desire for more battles with uncertainty, and I try to let it go. “Yes.”
“We’ll take it slow. Pull your feet up toward your body. Let your knees fall out to the sides. Open yourself. Don’t rush it. Go at your own pace.” Royal coaxes me along.
I move my feet together, pulling them up. They rest flat against each other as my knees go out to the side. I’m warm and protected under the blankets.No one can see.I remind myself as I finally settle into this new, more vulnerable position.
“Okay,” I sigh, pleased with how I’ve been able to push through my fears.
“That’s so good.” He sounds so proud of me, voice full of a heat I’ve never heard before. “Think you can use both hands to play?”
“Maybe. I kind of like clutching the sheet for dear life.” I squeeze my fist tighter. The fabric nestled in my fingers is hot and damp with my sweat.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to. You’re already being so brave. I can tell you’re trying hard.”
His praise melts me into the sheets.
I’m breathing easier and feeling more self-assured. “We could try two.”
