“What do you mean,kind of?” I wasn’t sure I liked that.
“You get used to it. You know it’s horrible leaving them at all. Although Libbie is becoming a tweenager and she’s starting to hate me and say I’m embarrassing so being away sometimes gives me chance to come up with new ways to annoy her.”
This was true. He’d stuffed her pillow with his dirty socks the week before which he’d found hilarious and Libbie had sought revenge – which I didn’t think was going to end any time soon.
“How’s Neva? Still just co-parents?” His face told me he knew that wasn’t the case.
“I’m going to ask her to marry me on New Year’s Eve.” I didn’t look at him because I was saying the words more for myself than him. “Don’t say anything. Not even to Amber.”
“I won’t. There’s no way Amber wouldn’t tell Genny.” Nate shook his head. “You sure you know what you’re doing?”
I nodded. “I think so. You know we were kind of seeing each other before all this.”
“I heard. Just a casual thing.”
“For her. I was hoping she’d want more. She didn’t. I think she does now.” In fact, I was pretty sure that was exactly what she wanted, she just wouldn’t say.
“Having a baby together is a bit of a long term commitment, so I’d guess she does.” Nate shrugged, pulling on his coat over his hoodie because it was fucking freezing in Copenhagen where we were about to travel back from. “Although Neva isn’t the most straightforward of people.”
“She is when you know her.” Nothing about her scared me now. I loved the fucking bones of her and thought she walked on water. I also loved irritating her on purpose because she usually wanted to laugh and sheer stubbornness stopped her every time. She was amazing with our daughter and if I had my way we’d have at least two more, the big family that my parents hadn’t been able to give me.
Nate smiled. “You’re totally gone on her, aren’t you?”
“Yep. I know she’s older and she thought I was too much of an overgrown kid, but I think we’ve kind of balanced each other out. It just works.”
He nodded again. “Don’t over think it. Just ask her. Do you need to wait till New Year’s Eve though?”
“Yes.” I kind of had a plan.
“Any mad gestures or is this going to be low key?” Nate looked too curious about this.
“Low key. At home, just us. Got a few things to do first though.” Like tell the woman I loved her. I also wanted her to tell me that this was a permanent thing with no need for review dates. I wanted to hear from her that this was a relationship and not an agreement to be co-parents.
I knew for myself I needed that. I needed to know I was more, and while I felt that I was, for my own sanity and peace, I needed to hear it.
Just like hearing someone tell me I had ADHD, I needed to hear Neva tell me that she wanted us on a permanent basis with no best before date.
“Want to share what they are?” Nate was being really fucking nosey.
“No. You’re not going to say any of this to Amber, are you?” I doubted it, but I wanted to check he wasn’t on a mission to get info for Amber to pass it onto Neva. I’d had Neva try to get me to do the same thing in reverse, so I was wise to this.
“No. Genuinely not – Amber’s too involved in what Genny’s up to at the moment. She’s convinced Genny and Guy have been using that desk for things that aren’t work. I’m meant to be finding out shit about that.”
“Have you managed anything?”
He shrugged. “I think so, but I’m not telling Amber. I like being first choice keeper. If I reported it back to Amber, she’d end up saying something to Genny when they were drinking wine, and Genny would have a go at Guy and that would be the end of me. Some things are worth more than promised blow jobs.”
“Agreed.” I eyed the man who’d been something of a mentor over the years. “I won’t say anything to Neva though – what do you know?”
He laughed and started to talk.
There was nothing better than the sight of Neva and Maia waiting for me at home when my car pulled up on the drive. Maia was dressed in a padded onesie that was meant to look like a duck, if ducks were purple.
I parked and scrambled out of my car, desperate to hold both of them. Neva looked good, not tired or exhausted and she was smiling, talking to Maia and pointing at me.
“I’m so glad to be home.” I rushed over to them, pulling them into a huge hug, capturing the scent of baby mixed with Neva’s perfume. “How are you?” I kissed Neva, then stole Maia from her arms. “Have you been good for Mummy? Have you kept her up all night?”
“She’s been amazing. Your mum had her for a night so I could go out with Amber – Amber thinks she heard Genny and Guy getting it on in Genny’s office, by the way – and we’ve been out doing some Christmas shopping, and - ” she eventually breathed.
