We walked into the house – I could get my luggage later, luggage that included presents for them both.
“Go on, what?”
“A production company has been in touch asking if I’d be interested in a series about relationships with food, with each episode on a different focus, like pregnancy, preparing for weddings, that sort of thing. I’ve spoken to Genny and the club is happy for me to go ahead, and for it to be connected to the club. I got in touch with your agent and ran the contract by him too.”
She was excited, I could tell. Neva did get excited about things, but it usually came with a side helping of nerves and what ifs.
They didn’t seem to be here.
“Did Bert think the contract was okay?”
“He did. He re-negotiated some of it and I need to check a few more things with you as you might be part of it.” She bit her lip and looked nervous. “I showed them your cooking videos and I think they would like you in it, and maybe Maia too as I’m going to do a couple of episodes on babies and children, exploring nutrition. But we can talk about that afterwards.” Her arm went round my waist, squeezing it.
“Did you miss me?” I felt so fucking needy asking that.
She laughed, pausing so I stopped walking too.
“I’m so glad you’re home. We’ve both missed you. I showed Maia videos of you cooking and she smiled and made noises when she heard you. And she told me she can’t wait for you to change her nappies again.” Neva smiled big and wide.
I kissed my daughter, her hands currently attached to whatever she could grab hold of on me. “I bet you didn’t say that, did you, Ducky? You like it when Mummy changes your nappies.”
“No, definitely not. Daddy’s her favourite.” She sat down next to me on the sofa.
My coat wasn’t even off and I wasn’t sure I wanted to move, now I had Neva leaning against me and Maia cuddled into my chest.
“In another couple of weeks she’ll be three months old.” We settled into the sofa, our little family of three. “Halfway to six months. That’s when we said we’d review what was happening here.”
Neva sat up. “Do you want to bring our review date forward?”
I sat up as well, disturbing Maia who made a noise I was pretty sure was meant to be a quack.
“Did you teach her to quack?” I stared at Neva.
“Jude, you can’t teach an almost three-month-old anything. But that did sound like a quack. Maybe we should stop calling her Ducky.” She tugged at the duck style hood, pulling it off Maia’s head.
“She’s not going to think she’s a duck. I think it suits her. Like a shortening of Duchess.” Because that was her status at the very least. “Back to review dates.”
Neva frowned. “Do you want me to move out? I need to give three-month notice to get back into my house and - ”
“No, I do not want you to move out. I want you to move in permanently, but I don’t know what you want. Or I think I might know, but I could be wrong.” I was making a hatchet job of this.
She held out her arms to take Maia. “Take your coat off and we’ll talk. But so you’re not spending the next thirty seconds stewing, I don’t want to move out.”
I took my coat off and threw it onto a chair. “Is that because you like Maia having both parents together or because it’s easier to parent when we do it together or because of me. I want it to be mainly because of me and I know that sounds selfish.” It was out there.
Neva started to smile, her eyes dancing. “It’s because of you, Jude. I want to live with you and not just because of all of the above about Maia, but if I wasn’t in love with you, I’d want to be set up on my own so I could find someone to fall in love with. I don’t need to do that.”
I nodded, not sure yet of what to say or how to say it because all the words were fighting to come out in no particular order.
I rubbed my nose and tried to sort through the sentences.
“Jude, I want to be with you. I want to be your girlfriend, although girlfriend sounds ridiculous when I’m in my thirties.” She patted Maia’s back, a little gulp of wind coming out of our daughter.
“Girlfriend sounds passable. Does that mean I’m your boyfriend?” I grinned, knowing that was going to irritate her.
“Probably. Do you want me to move in – like move in properly? Although this would still be your house and if things didn’t work out then I’d move out and be fair about everything and - ”
“Neva, this isn’t permanent until you move out. I’m no king of academia, but that’s not what permanent means. It means I don’t see you moving out, unless we move out together and in somewhere else together. That’s not a bad idea actually. Then you can choose somewhere you like and, that might be a thing.” I knew I was losing my point. “But this is a permanent-like-you’re-my-person thing.”
