It was silly how desperately Patience wished somebody would whisper those words into her ear. Silly and futile.
Brushing the foolish thought away, Patience hurried to open the door for Jonah and his precious load, then followed them inside and up to the second floor.
The room he stepped into was plain but clean with a two-person bed in the center and the usual appointments along the walls—dresser, mirror, chair, and small table.
Jonah laid Anna on the bed, and she stirred. A whimper sounded, then her eyes fluttered open. They flicked around the room and widened. She sprang upright, grabbing for Jonah before he could step back. "Don't leave." She gripped his arm. "Please don't leave me."
He crouched beside her, wrapping a hand behind her little back. "Shh, it's all right. I'm not going anywhere. And Aunt Patsy’s right here."
Pain pressed so hard on Patience’s chest that she could barely breathe. How had she brought such a brave, strong girl to this condition of terror and exhaustion?
Patience dropped the bags she’d carried and sank onto the other side of the bed, scooting beside Anna so she could rub slow circles on her back, something she’d begun doing every night since this journey had begun. "I'm here, sweetheart. You're safe." It wasn’t quite time for the evening meal, so if Anna could sleep a little longer, she would feel better.
Anna’s clutch on Jonah gradually loosened, and Patience pulled her niece onto her lap, wrapping her tightly in a hold that should feelsecure. Hopefully.
Jonah met Patience's gaze over the girl's head and spoke quietly. "I'll get the rest of our things from the wagon and put the horses up. Then I'll come sit with Anna so you can send those wires you need to."
"Thank you.”For everything. Her list of indebtedness to this man would fill a book if she were to write it all down. How had she ever thought she could manage this on her own? Where would she be if Jonah hadn’t made the journey with her?
He squeezed her shoulder gently before slipping out of the room, leaving Patience alone with her tumultuous thoughts and an overwrought, exhausted child.
Of all the people who could have searched for her after her mother’s death, it had been this man. Had God sent him? Was it possible that what Jonah had said the other night was true—that God loved her?
Her mind snagged on that thought and mulled through it. Jonah had said to receive God’s love, she only had to ask for His forgiveness for everything she’d done wrong. Then he’d said something else… She worked to find the exact words.Ask to be His daughter so you don’t have to fight through life on your own.
She knew what it meant to be her father’s daughter. It meant rejection. It meant knowing you were never good enough.
If Patience could be forgiven for her faults, for everything she’d done wrong, maybe shecouldbe good enough.
Maybe her Heavenly Father would see the injured kitten instead of the bloody rug. Maybe a Heavenly Father could see past the dirty hands and the dirty dress to the heart of a little girl who only wanted to help.
Maybe she’d finally hear that whisper in her ear that she craved—I’ve got you.
Was it really possible to become a daughter of God?
What would that be like? A true daughter of a powerful God certainly wouldn’t have to fight and scrape through life. Shewouldn’t have to look over her shoulder in fear or worry that every kindness might be a manipulation, a bid for control.
Anna shifted in Patience’s arms, reminding her of all the ways she’d messed up her life. Not only hers, but now Anna’s. This child, who needed to be loved but was afraid, even terrified, because Patience hadn’t been a good enough sister or a good enough daughter or a good enough aunt. How could she ever be good enough to be a daughter of God?
She allowed a sigh as she dragged her thoughts back to reality.
She had to keep herself grounded in this world, in the troubles she would face in the next few hours. And days. And weeks. She had to try very hard and do her best to be…to be better than she’d ever been. Maybe this time, thisonetime, she could be good enough. Shehadto be, for Anna.
Which meant there was no time for useless fantasies.
The afternoon passed too quickly, as Jonah sat with Anna while Patsy sent her telegram. He needed to check at the mercantile to make sure they had his stove ready, so he settled the girls at the hotel’s café while he accomplished that errand.
Now, evening had turned to night, and the three of them trudged up the narrow staircase toward their rooms. Johnson had said he would have men available to load the stove tomorrow morning. Which meant Jonah could head back to the ranch tomorrow if he wanted.
Should he? Part of him wanted to stay in Fort Benton every moment he could with Patsy and Anna. Maybe he could still convince Patsy to come back with him.
But just this afternoon she’d been talkingabout how they would travel to Indiana. She had all the details planned in her mind. This was what she wanted.
She’d made her choice, and his lingering here would only make it harder on him in the end. She and Anna were safe here in Fort Benton. He would leave money at the hotel so their room would be covered as long as they could possibly need to stay here. Then he’d leave instructions that the remaining money not used be returned to Patsy. That would help a little with their travels.
He swallowed. If only he could do so much more. But she’d made her choice. And he’d not been chosen. Again.
When they reached the second-floor hallway, the dim glow of the lamps attached to the walls flickered against the faded wallpaper, casting elongated shadows that seemed to mirror the heaviness in his heart. At Patsy’s door, he turned to face them.
