“He was so angry. I thought he would hit me. And if he did strike, I just knew he would kill me, right there.” Patience’s pulse raced, but she worked to slow her breathing. She was grown now. Far away from him. She was safe.
A warm arm wrapped around her, its strength pulling her in, protecting her. How did Jonah know what she needed every time? She let herself lean against him, even let her head rest on his shoulder. It was so strong, so solid beneath her temple. She eased out another breath, sinking into this safety.
He didn’t push for the rest of the story, but she needed to finish. She couldn’t leave Jonah wondering what had happened that day. “Anyway, my father didn’t hurt me. He called the maid to take the cat and had our housekeeper march me straight to my room. They left me there all evening. I could hear the party going on downstairs, the laughing and playingand… And nobody missed me. It was as if I didn’t matter at all.”
She cleared her throat. “That was just one time, but he always made it clear I wasn’t acceptable. I tried but…I was never good enough. Not like Hannah, my sister. She was so good, my parents always loved her.”
Jonah's arm tightened. "You were a child, Patsy. A remarkable girl, I’m certain. I’m sorry he couldn’t see that. You didn't deserve to be treated that way, no matter how different you were from your sister."
She blinked back the tears that threatened. "I see now that it's not always easy to know the right thing with children. I'm trying so hard to do right by Anna, but I'm scared I'll fail her. I can’t be like my father."
Jonah's free hand came up to stroke the hair from her cheek, his thumb brushing away the lone tear that had escaped. "I have faith that you won’t fail her, Patsy. You love her too much for that." He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice came a little rougher. "She may not realize it now, but she's incredibly lucky to have you. You're going to be a remarkable mother."
His words wrapped around Patience’s heart like a warm embrace, easing some of the doubt and fear. This must be hard for him, though, encouraging her to leave, lending his strength so she’d be able to do what he’d asked her not to. Yet he didn’t hesitate, just set aside his own feelings and desires for her sake. For Anna's sake.
He truly was a good man. The best she'd ever known.
She should ask him to come with them. Surely there was room in her dream for a man as good and noble as Jonah. The man who’d already taken her heart and seemed to be offering his in return.
But she couldn't do that to him. It wouldn't be fair to tear him away from his family, the ranch, and his new cabin. His roots ran so deep there. She couldn’tbe that selfish.
So instead, she simply leaned into him, letting his strength and warmth seep into her bones. "Thank you, Jonah.”I don’t know what I’ll do without you.She didn’t speak aloud the second part, though it pressed deep inside her.
He brushed a gentle kiss on her forehead, the gesture so tender it made her ache. She would have to leave him soon, but for tonight, she could simply treasure his nearness.
CHAPTER 12
In the swelter of the afternoon sun, Patience swayed with the movement of the wagon, the same steady rhythm she’d felt for just over two weeks now. Jonah said they should see Fort Benton any minute. At last. Already, they were starting to pass a few small houses.
Beside her on the wagon bed, Anna’s head rested on a blanket. No wonder she napped during the day, considering she'd cried herself to sleep every night on this journey east, then often been awakened by nightmares. They were what truly exhausted the poor girl. Patience had grown accustomed to waking in the darkness to Anna’s crying out, pleading for her parents not to die before succumbing to horrible, horrible sobs. Patience could only wake her, hold her, and cry along with her.
It wasn’t fair. No child should have to experience so much loss. Certainly not such a sweet, innocent girl.
Was Patience doing the right thing, taking her away from the Coulters? This new uprooting was clearly pulling up painful memories. Was this giving Anna the chance to truly grieve her grandma? Or was Patience simply forcing her to endure yet another round of grief, this one unnecessary?
How in the world could she ever know the right thing? She wanted to scream with the weight of responsibility. She’d thought she was prepared for this, but how could anybody be?
Jonah called a command to the horses, drawing her attention to the landscape ahead. They’d reached the edge of Fort Benton.
Patience took a deep breath to settle the turmoil inside her as Jonah guided the wagon through the bustling streets. The fort was a hive of activity, people hurrying about their business, horses neighing, and the distant whistle of a steamboat on the Missouri River. It was a world away from the quiet solitude of the trail.
Jonah pulled the wagon up in front of a white-washed respectable-looking hotel, so different from the one she’d stayed in the last time she came through Fort Benton during her trip west. He set the brake and hopped down, then came to the bed where Patience sat beside Anna’s sleeping form.
His gaze lingered on Anna. "I'll get us rooms.” Then he looked up to Patience. “You’ll stay with her?”
Patience nodded, but her mouth felt too dry to speak. Jonah seemed to sense her inner turmoil and gave her a reassuring smile before striding into the hotel.
She brushed a strand of hair from Anna’s face. The child still slept, and considering all the noise and hubbub going on around them, that she did so was a testament to how exhausted she must be. So young. So vulnerable. Patience's heart clenched with a fierce protectiveness. No matter how difficult this journey became, she had to believe she was doing the right thing for Anna. She had to.
A few minutes later, Jonah emerged from the hotel and returned to the wagon. "I got us a couple rooms." He kept his voice low. "I'll carry Anna up and unload the bags before I take the animals to the livery."
Patience gathered the bags she could carry, then climbed out of the wagon.
Jonah lifted Anna into his arms. She stirred and whimpered, but he adjusted his hold and pulled her close. "Shh, it's all right," Jonah murmured as he started toward the front door. "I've got you."
I’ve got you.
To be held, to know somebodyhad her.
