A knot clogged his throat, so he had to clear it before he could speak. “I guess this is goodnight.” His chest ached, making the words he needed to say even harder. "I guess I'll be heading back in the morning." The thought of leaving them here twisted like a knife in his gut. He had to change the subject before he said something he’d regret. He dropped his gaze to Anna. Did she realize it was also goodbye? That he might not ever see her again? Was it good for her to know?
She moved to him and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Goodnight, Uncle Jonah.”
He wrapped her close and forced out words. “G’night, Anna-bug. I love you.” And he did. So much, his heart was splitting.
She pulled back and turned to slip into the room she shared with Patsy. Just like that, she was gone.
He took in air, then let it ease out of him. He needed to focus on the other goodbye now.
Forcing himself to look up, he met Patsy’s gaze. He couldn’t tell for sure in the dim light, but her eyes looked to be rimmed in red. Her jaw had set firmly in place though.
He studied her face, committing every detail to memory—the graceful slope of her cheekbones, the soft curve of her lips, the way her eyes caught the lamplight and sparkled like stars. "Did you hear back from the solicitor?" He’d forgotten to ask her when he returned from the mercantile.
"I received a wire with his condolences earlier today. He said he'd pull Mama's will and contact me tomorrow with the details." Her voice wavered slightly, and Jonah fought the urge to take her hand, to offer some small measure of comfort.
Instead, he shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "That's good. I'm sure he'll get everything sorted out quick enough." The words felt hollow, so trivial in the face of how his life—both their lives—were about to change. When he rode away in the wagon tomorrow morning, he’d be leaving his heart here in this hotel room. He might never see Patsy again.
He forced himself to meet her gaze once more, doing his best to convey everything he couldn't say aloud. The respect, the admiration…the longing.
Her green eyes glistened, tears welling there but not falling. She would fight every sign of weakness. That stubborn streak was one of the things he loved most about her.
Love.
The word echoed in his mind, taunting him with everything he couldn't have. Everything he was about to lose.
He couldn’t lose her. Not without trying one final time.Lord, help me. Turn her heart.
He cleared his throat. “You know, you and Anna could ride back with me. If you want to. We could wait another day or two until things are settled with the solicitor.” He’d wait here in Fort Benton a year with her, if that was what it took for her to come home with him.
Pain flashed in her eyes, but she shook her head. "I need to see this through." Her voice came out barely above a whisper. "For Anna,and for myself."
Something cracked deep in his chest, a fissure creeping through his heart like a spider's web. His throat burned like desert sand. He swallowed hard, his jaw clenching as he fought to maintain his composure.
With a nod, he forced a smile that felt more like a grimace. "I understand. You and Anna are always welcome. If you ever change your mind, we’ll be waiting for you.”I'llbe waiting for you.
Patsy's smile wavered, a single tear escaping down her pale cheek. "Thank you, Jonah. For everything."
He wanted to reach out, to brush away that tear and pull her into his arms. But he couldn’t.
Not trusting himself to speak past the lump in his throat, he turned and walked away, his boots echoing hollowly on the wooden floorboards.
He didn't look back. If he did, he might not have the strength to let her go.
As he reached his room, he paused, his hand on the doorknob. The temptation to turn around, to run back to her and beg her to reconsider, was almost overwhelming. But he had to let her go, to let her find her own way.
He pushed open the door and stepped inside. The click of the latch behind him sounded like a death nell.
He leaned back against the door, his eyes closing.God, I need Your strength to follow through with this. Now more than ever before.
CHAPTER 13
Patience's eyes flew open, heart pounding as she turned to the thrashing figure beside her.
Anna's small form tangled in the blanket, frantic cries surging from her. "No! You can’t. No. Oh please, no."
Patience worked the cover off her niece. “It’s all right. You’re fine. It’s all right.” She gathered Anna into her arms.
Anna stopped flailing, but sobs overtook her body. She didn’t curl into Patience like she usually did after a nightmare, just lay stiff, great heaves surging through her.
