Dat's faith had been so real to him. Mum's too. Jericho had never before questioned whether God existed. Only whether He cared. But it might be easier to believe that no all-powerful Being watched from a distance than to know He was real and that He'd simply turned his back.
His eyes burned. His body ached. He hated this. Hated the weight of responsibility. Hated knowing that no decision would satisfy everyone he cared about.
He had to do his best. Had to stick with the one command that had never failed him, as long as he followed it completely. No divided loyalties.
Maybe if Dinah and her sister became family, they could stay and be part of the Coulter legacy. But no one else.
From this day forward, no strangers—none at all—would be allowed on Coulter property.
Now he had to tell Dinah.
* * *
Dinah used the back of her wrist to wipe the loose hair from her sweaty temples, then returned to scrubbing a corner of the children's bed chamber. She should have cleaned these nooks and crevices before now, but she'd not had the time or this churning unrest in her spirit that drove her to such deep cleaning.
Jericho had been rumbling around outside all day, like a hungry bear marking its territory. Making her feel too much like a hostage. Lillian had gone out a couple of times to let Apple attend to matters, returning once to report that Uncle Jericho even growled like a bear.
All of them were unsettled after the awful events of yesterday, and she and Jericho hadn't yet talked through everything. That would probably be the first step to resolve the tension and help their entire group move forward in healing.
"Dinah."
His voice sounded behind her, and she turned to see him in the doorway. Lines etched across his brow as he frowned. "Can I talk to you?"
She straightened and pushed up to her feet. "Of course." She moved toward him to join him in the main room, but he closed the door. The two of them, alone in a bed chamber with the door closed, was the height of impropriety, but by his expression, he certainly didn't look like he planned to take advantage of her.
He seemed to realize what he'd done, and embarrassment shifted his features. "I'm sorry. I didn't want the others to listen in, not yet. We can go outside if you'd rather."
Her reputation could hardly be tarnished out here, and Lillian was tucked away with Naomi on the big bed Dinah and Naomi shared in the other chamber, reading a book. "We can talk here."
He faced her, half the room between them. A world apart. Where had the tenderness from days before gone?
She waited. Maybe she should speak first. Break the tension. But it felt like Jericho needed to decide something within himself first.
At last, he breathed out a long sigh, his shoulders sagging as he scrubbed a hand through his hair. From the way the locks stood nearly on end, he'd done that more than once today. "This is hard, Dinah."
He motioned toward the door behind him, sweeping his arm to encompass the entire cabin they couldn't see from this room. "What happened yesterday. I think it made us all wake up." The earnestness in his eyes pressed in her chest. "It reminded me why we don’t allow strangers on the ranch. My father warned me. His last words told me that it's my responsibility to keep the family safe."
His jaw clenched, flexing as he searched for what else he needed to say. She wouldn't let herself speak until he'd said his fill, until she knew everything on his heart.
"I have to protect us. I'd likeyouto be part ofus. To be a Coulter, and, as such, your sister would be welcome here as long as she wanted. But no one else. I understand you have a gift. A talent for healing. But we can't endanger more lives—your life—to help strangers."
Oh no.
She understood why Jericho felt that way. Were she in his shoes, maybe she would make the same choice. It was his responsibility to protect his family, and this was the only way he'd been successful in that goal before.
Her heart longed to say yes to this man. He hadn't asked her to marry him exactly. Not yet. But that would come soon, he'd made that clear.Ifshe could stay here on his terms.
Could she really close herself off from people in need? Turn her back on the gift God had given her to help His people?
She needed time to think and pray. Time to raise this turmoil in her spirit to the Father.
But for now, she had to let Jericho know she understood. He was hurting just as much as any patient she'd treated since she’d come here. And he was doing his best. Making a hard decision for the good of his family.
She stepped forward, steeling herself to give kindness but not succumb to her feelings for this man. She didn't meet his gaze, just stepped into his arms, wrapping her own around him. He pulled her close with an intensity she wasn't prepared for.
As if he needed her for his next breath.
He needsYou, Lord. Show HimYouare enough.
