The quiet settled over them like a scratchy wool collar as she worked. She needed to thank him, but it felt wrong to thank him for taking her patient's life. Even if it was to save her own.
Still, Jonah might be wrestling with his actions too. She needed to do this for him.
She turned to face him. He was staring up at her with an expression unreadable in the dim light.
"Jonah." She rested her hand on his foot. "Thank you for what you did today. For saving me."
He didn't answer right away, and she couldn't see his eyes well enough to determine his thoughts. At last, he spoke. "I've never killed a man before. It's not something I ever thought I was capable of."
A fresh pain lanced her chest. New tears burned her eyes. He was barely more than a boy.Why, Lord. Why bring this pain on this family?
So much they'd endured. Losing their parents. Their sister. And now a man's life snubbed out because of her. If only she'd handled his first request for laudanum differently.
But all she could do now was pick up the pieces. To help heal as much as she could. "You did what you had to do. Thank you for being brave. For caring about me enough to come and help, even when it was hard for you."
Jonah's voice turned soft. "Jericho might have turned that rifle onmeif I hadn't. He’s the one who left the gun with me. Said I was in charge of protecting you girls and the homestead while he was gone."
A flash of anger seared through her. Jericho and his fear of danger. He was the one to plant the idea in his brother's mind that strangers couldn't be trusted.
Even as the thought made her fists clench, the memory of that man kneeling on her belly rushed in. He'd done far more than she expected he could or would. How might he have hurt her if not for Jonah's intervention?
She turned away. "Good night." Her mind and heart couldn't handle the churning of emotions anymore this night. She could only pray for sleep and its blessed rest.
In the morning, maybe the world wouldn't feel so twisted out of shape.
CHAPTER24
Jericho dumped another armload of logs on the pile with a clatter, wood rolling in all directions. He'd split enough to last weeks, and now he'd just about run out of other things to do in the barn and yard.
This day had stretched endlessly long. He wouldn't leave his family and the house unprotected. Not again. Even if there didn't appear to be a threat on the property.
He'd not foreseen Tall Shadow bringing Chalmers either. They had simply shown up.
He couldn't hang around outside every day, but this was all he could think to do for this first day after the attack. Every time he'd attempted to go inside the cabin, the turmoil in his chest had kept him outside.
He was just so blasted angry still.
Mostly with himself. But he couldn't face any of them yet. Not until he got this anger under control.
He should never have allowed that man on their property. He should have been stern with Tall Shadow. It seemed wrong to send a man away with the kind of injury Chalmers had. But maybe Dinah could have stitched it, bandaged the arm, then they could have loaded him on his horse and let Tall Shadow lead him away.
Not that the man was Tall Shadow's responsibility, but he'd sort of taken that on when he shot the bear and brought Chalmers injured to the Coulter ranch. Hadn't he?
Jericho flung the log in his hand onto the stack and scrubbed his hands through his hair.
He wanted to scream, but if he opened up this pressure of pain boiling inside him, he might never clamp the lid down again. Where did the burden of being a decent human being end and protecting his family begin?
It's up to you, son. I need you to protect our family. Keep your sister and brothers safe and together.His father's words in that weak quavering voice wove through his spirit as they had so many times since the final minutes of Dat's life.
They'd been Jericho's guiding light through all the years since. He'd failed miserably where Lucy was concerned. But up until now, he’d thought he was doing all right with his brothers.
Having Dinah here to help with Lillian and Sean seemed to make up—at least a little—for all the ways he'd let their mother down.
But maybe even allowing Dinah and Naomi to stay had been wrong. That thought gripped his chest so tightly, he couldn't draw breath.
Did it matter at all whathewanted? That she made him feel like the man he wanted to be? Like together, they could accomplish his dreams? The thought of losing her. Of losing her light in the cabin. Of never having her in his arms…
He squeezed his eyes shut, still clutching his head.If there's a God up there looking down now, why are You doing this to me?
